Monday, February 16, 2009

Here's A Long Evasive Story, Of Failed Hopes And Glories

I'm dressed in a button up and tie, looking pretty good, if I say so myself. I look around what appears to be a grand foyer and notice a couple other people, all of whom also dressed professionally. Instantly, I know I'm not at work, but at school. Make that at a school. It's not BYU because I have been in every building in that campus and this doesn't resemble any of them. However, I'm not concerned with this seeming lapse of awareness.
A similarly dressed guy, roughly my age, is sitting next to me. He seems pleased with himself over something, and oddly, I feel the same sense of accomplishment. I make small talk, and eventually we both get up to leave, again, for no particular reason. Then comes the moment that I still remember as vividly as anything.
Me: So what brings you here?
Him: Medical school interviews. It's why we're all here.
Then, instead of rejoicing, I hang my head, and realize it's a dream. I start moving faster, frantically looking around for something to let me know that it was real, but I know all too well it's a dream. Suddenly, the sun fades a little, the walls become blurry. I start to say "This has to..." but then reality creeps in and I finish the sentence "be a dream" staring at my ceiling fan.
Easily, one of the most depressing ways to start off a morning.
When you realize your goal can only be found in dreams, it's an accomplishment to get out of bed that morning. That morning was about a week ago. I went back and forth over how to share this, or even to share this. In the end, it was 12:15am impulse that led me to the keyboard and resulted in this post. I wish there was some more poignant or rational reason, but there really isn't. And if you're reading this, that shouldn't be too much of a surprise to you.
Here's the point. I'm in the bottom of the ninth of my game against med school admissions, and I'm behind. No one knows better than me that technically, I could get called in for an interview in April, or even possibly May, but the realist in me says that if nothing happens by the end of the month, it's time to create new dreams. Ones that can be satisfied in the real world.
Pray for me.
Word.