I Would Like To Think Our Paths Are Straight

Maslov's hierarchy of needs lists achievement in the second to highest category, meaning that it the second thing that can be stripped away without any reparable damage being done. I'm skeptical on this. I like achieving goals and receiving awards (also in the 2nd to highest group). The only way I get things done is by challenging myself to do them, and then rewarding myself (usually with a 'take that' to the version of me that said I couldn't do it).

Because of this, I've decided to hand out a couple of awards concerning the Florida-to-Utah cross country trip I just finished. Some are good, some are bad, but all are deserving.

Most impressive state: Oklahoma. I know what your thinking. How on earth could Oklahoma be considered impressive. Here's how. For starters, the speed limit is 75 all the way through. It's like they realized that anyone driving in their state, is merely driving through their state and would like to do so as quickly as possible. Additionally, for the first time ever, an office let me off with a warning instead of writing a ticket. I was something along the lines of 9 for 9 before that (wow, that sounds like a lot of tickets. In my defense, I spread them out fairly evenly). Granted, I was only going about 82 in the 75, so I wasn't exactly a menace to the other drivers, but I was nevertheless stunned to be let go without having to pay any money or sit through yet another defensive driving course. New Mexico was in the running because of the their 75 mph speed limit, but the weather got rough as I was exiting there, and that really cost them.

Least impressive state: Arizona. Horrible weather across the entire state. The worst part was that I chose the path through Arizona because I though it would help me avoid horrible weather. Could not have been more wrong. Snow dumped all through the night and into the next afternoon. Major highways were closed. Traffic was slowed to a grind, if not completely stopped. And to top it all off, at one point, the car behind me caught some ice, over-corrected, went across the entire road and rolled onto it's side, just off the road. You want to know what bring your senses to full attention? Watching the car behind you suddenly wind up with it's wheels in the air.

Most valuable organ: Bladder. Came through like a champ, eliminating any extra stops.

Least valuable organ: Nerves. Specifically, the ones that remind me just how cold it was every time I had to fill up for gas. You might hear me complain about the cold for a while. I know I brought this on myself, but when you spend the past 365 days with the weather being under 75 degree for only 5 of those days, you lose your grip on how 15 degrees feels. Now, I'm just losing feeling in my grip.

Most desperate restaurant: 72 ouncer. There's a restaurant (I don't know it's name because they never advertised it) in Amarillo, TX, that has the classic eat-this-massive-steak-and-it's-free gimmick. You can't miss it because they start advertising along I-40 in Arkansas. Two state away, and they're tossing up billboards. Did I think about pulling in? Yes. Did I think about trying to tackle that beast? Not for long. I've eaten a 32 ouncer in one sitting. It's a lot of meat. I couldn't imagine eating two of them and then chasing it with an 8 oz slab. That is a gustatory feat I hope to never be able to accomplish.

Favorite part of the car (non-Ma Lady division): Seat warmer. Do they make couches that can do that? I'd buy one today.

Least favorite part of the car: Layer of filth. Oh my goodness. I just washed and waxed the thing before I left, and now it's a wreck. I'm a little embarrassed to introduce it to my friends. It's like I have one of those girlfriends who demands to put makeup on in the morning, only today my friends, who haven't met her yet, are coming over early. They can tell she has a nice body, but then they take a closer look and it's just a disaster. I still love her though, but it's not putting her best foot forward. (Side note- Don't really want one of those types of girlfriends, but I thought the analogy was fitting.)

Best support: The Gordens. They were more or less on the way, and when you haven't even met your friend's 2.5 year old son, nor his couple month old daughter, you better make a stop. So they let me stay at their house (It's beautiful, by the way) and hang out with them and their kids for a day. That experience taught me two things about having little kids: First, they make you feel alive. Watching them, you get to vicariously experience things for the first time. Everything is amazing. Everything is borderline magical. Water fountains are the coolest things in the world and the promise of a cookie can resolve any pain or discomfort.

The other thing I learned was that they make you feel exhausted. I spent one day. I kid you not, I thought it was three by the time I went to bed. It was fun while it was going on, but the second it stopped, I was looking for a pillow. Doing that everyday? Kudos to all the parents out there. I'm sure I could do it, but you definitely get a boost by it being your own child.

Had a blast with them, and they sent me on my way with some tootsie rolls. Really can't ask for much more than that.

Best technological advancement since last cross country trip: Smart Phone. Check emails in the middle of Texas? Of course. Research hotels while cruising through New Mexico? Done. Listen to Pandora when the only radio station is some financial news (Like anyone in Central Oklahoma was interested in how the stock market was doing?)? Easy Kapeezy. When I got back to the states, I wasn't sure if I wanted to get one. Now I'm very glad I did.

Word.

I'll Be Waiting Here, Santa That's My Only Wish This Year

There are too many people asking me what I want for Christmas. Between all the celeb-utantes, athletes, starlets and congressman, my voice mailbox is stuffed with pleas requesting guidance as to what they should give me. So, I figured I'd make it easy and just publish the list. I thought about registering somewhere, but the only store here is ACE Hardware. Not to besmirch ACE, but not even they carry everything on my list.

So, to make things simpler for everyone, especially me so I don't have to tell everyone individually, here is the list of things that you could and should get me for Christmas:

1) Some ownership in Half.com and/or Betterworldbooks.com. I have what must be described as unhealthy addiction to the healthy activity of reading, and between those two websites have pushed my personal library to new levels. It's at the point where I have to leave over a dozen books behind on the rock, while taking about as many back home. I simply don't have the luggage room. Oh, and to get myself established in Utah, I already have a shipment of five books on their way. Yep, I buy them 5 at a time. You don't?

2) An express lane from Florida to Utah. It only needs to be up for about a week, so it shouldn't be too much of a problem. It'll be like the secret path that only StoneCutters were allowed to drive on. It's a pretty long trip, and I'm willing to bet there will be snow on parts, so an express lane that is free of other cars and poor road conditions would be nice of you all. I figure since it's little bigger, two people can go in together on this.

3) A 5k time under 30 minutes. Right now, I'd be lucky to keep it under 40, but that's ridiculous considering my age and my self-image. I know that if I went running today, I wouldn't make a mile without stopping. But I also know that tomorrow I could go sub 8 minutes. (I know because I used to always run to D'Angelo's 'Untitled which runs a little over 7 minutes, and I would finish the mile a couple seconds into the next track. And usually on the second day of any sort of regiment, I could make that happen.) Now, I'm not the smartest, but I know that even a 9-min mile will get your 5k time under 30. I just need someone to remind me that when I'm out running one. Rex Lee Run, I'm looking at you.

4) A Baseball/softball championship. It's no secret my love for Baseball runs deeper than the Mariana Trench. Now that I'm coming back to the states, I look forward to city rec leagues, especially ones that don't have former AAA talent playing in them. Come spring, I'll be on at least one team. What I also plan on looking into is being involved one way or another with the local Little League program. I spent 8 seasons from 1st-8th grade playing in the local little league back home. I just assumed that's what everyone did growing up. Why wouldn't they? Turns out, there are thousands of boys in Utah who never play little league Baseball. Blew my mind. In fact, I don't know one person who grew up in Utah and actually played in little league ball. It hurts my soul to know this is going on. So, I'm going to see what type of time commitment they're looking for, and see if I can be of some service to them. I've been tracking this game for over 20 years. I have a lot to share.

5) Tootsie Rolls. Of course.

Word

Famous, Everybody Wanna Be Famous

This wasn't my intended goal when I titled the blog "Can't Be Any Geek Off The Street", but needless to say, I'm very proud of it. Go to any major search engine and type in that phrase. It's going to be within the top 3 results. You don't even need the whole thing, just "Can't Be Any Geek" Of course, if you string any four unique words in a line, chances are there are only a couple of hits no matter what the words are, but I picked one of the iconic songs of the mid-nineties, which stole it from a somewhat popular movie. You would assume there would be more relevant references on the entire internet, but you would be wrong. This little blog of three years now has eclipsed both Warren G (Feat- Nate Dogg)'s legendary mid-90s track "Regulators", as well as the movie "Young Guns', where the quote originally came from.

Conversely, typing in my name gets you nowhere near the actual me. The closest I get is using google, and if you type in "Rick Russell Satellite Beach Diving 2000", it shows the results from Florida's 2A state diving meet where I finished 10th (Yeah, I used to be pretty dang good at that. Now, I'm probably just better than you and can impress people who aren't well versed in how to score a dive. It's weird how fine tuned skills atrophy when they're not used.) That's right. It takes more words to find any article about me, as opposed to one from me. And it's not even an article. It's one line, from a results sheet, of a high school event, 10 years ago.

The Internet. If you don't make a name for yourself, no one will do it for you.

Word.

Under The Sea

So, this will be the shortest post ever, but I watched 'Taken' the other day, and all I could think was:

This is how 'The Little Mermaid' happens in real life. When one of my daughter's friends shows her 'The Little Mermaid', I'm showing her 'Taken'. Why? Because sometimes, Daddy does actually know better.

I Could Be Chasin' But My Time Would Be Wasted

Yeah, midterms are in 10 days and finals a week after that, but it's Thanksgiving, and I've got to do laundry, so I figured why not put a list of the things I'm thankful for. Now, this is not the obvious list of things like family, friends, gospel, tootsie rolls, roof over my head and freedom. Not to say I don't appreciate those things, but this is the list of things that make me think 'Oh yeah, this is why my life is awesome' on an hourly basis.

Peach fruit snacks by Haribo. Or basically anything by Haribo. Grab yourself a bag. And then, go onto Amazon.com and realize that you can sign up to have a 5 lb bag delivered every month. Almost pulled the trigger twice already.

Sunglasses. I wasn't sold on them until I moved to Arizona 2+ years ago, but now...well, I almost had them Fedex-ed down to my island when I left them at home after a break. (Side note- I still don't like talking to people while wearing them. Most of my non-verbal clues are eye-related, and the sunglasses obscure that.)

Chris Farley. To know him is to love him, and to love him is to miss him.

Books. Maybe it's because I live in a place that does not have a walmart* $5 bin, or a Blockbuster 4 for 20 deal, but this past year I can firmly say that I spent more on books than DVD's. And that's not including text books, just pure reading for pleasure. My dilemma now is that when I move back to the States, I'll know that I can read books for free at the library, but I really like having them on a shelf. What's the tipping point where I say, that's too much money to own, I'll just read it from the library? I don't know. I mean, if it's a dollar or two, that's worth just to not worry about late fees, but beyond that...

CMT. There are about 10 radio stations here that are at least in part English. None of them are country stations. I'm not the type of guy who needs only country, but I need me some country. CMT, bless their hearts, roll non-stop videos for the bulk of the day. It's fantastic. I get home from class, watch a replay of SportsCenter and then turn the channel to CMT and let their smooth sounds carry me through my studies for a bit.

The Spring of 2006. Why? Simple. This guy:

He taught me that I should never try to grow out a mustache again. Ever. (Side note- that dude has two more NBA championship rings than Karl Malone, Patrick Ewing, Charles Barkley, Steve Nash and Dwight Howard combined. He can clap with the best of them.)

Barney Stinson. I only met this guy within the past year, but I can tell you that he is fantastic.

Baseball.

Word.

Word. (Yes, I'm thankful for 'Word.')

It's Call It In the Air, Alright Yes Sir We Want The Ball

I couldn't sleep the other night, so I got to thinking. One thing led to another, and I wound up on college football. Now I'm watching college football (UF vs South Carolina) which led me to another thought on the sport, but we'll get to that in a second.

First, I was thinking about how Boise State has no chance at the national championship game. I want to say they do, but they really don't. Which is a shame, because I think they're the best team in college football, and if you watch them play, you'll be hard-pressed to disagree. Regardless, they're not making the big game.

So I tried to figure out a way to give them a chance. Now, I can't be the first person to come up with this, because, well, it's too simple. But if I am, I want it to be known as the 'Russell plan' for determining the national championship. Here's how it works:

The first part is that the college landscape is carved into 10 conferences with 12 teams a piece (Conveniently, there is currently exactly 120 teams). Each conference is split into 2 divisions and holds a conference championship game. These champions then enter the playoff brackets. The six current AQ conferences, will receive first-round byes and will rotate the top six seeds every year. The other four conferences, some conglomeration of the Mountain West, WAC, Sun Belt, C-USA and MAC, will play in two elimination games, with the winners joining the AQ 6 to form an eight team bracket. Then it takes three wins to become the national champion.

This clearly adds a couple games to the schedule, so the regular season will be shortened to 11 games. So, for an AQ school to win the crystal football, they will have played 15 total games, just one more than if they came from a current AQ conference with a conference championship game. Or 10 games to make it the same amount as it currently is. Either works. You figure each team plays the other five teams in their division, and then 2 matchups across the division (with a possibility for one of them to be a protected rivalry matchup). This leaves 3-4 open dates for the team to schedule at will. Which is about as many as most teams have now.

The first round of playoffs (the non-AQ conferences) will play out in two bowl games the weekend before Christmas. Preferably bowl games that are already prestigious, but it's not that important. Quarterfinals the weekend after Christmas (with two of the games being current BCS bowls, given to the #1 and #2 seeds, and the other two of respectable prestige like the Cotton bowl). Semifinals the weekend after that (the other two BCS bowls) and the National championship the weekend after that, which would roughly be Jan 8 like it is now.

I know. It's too simple. But hey, it makes sense, and just might fly.

The thought I had while watching the South Carolina Gamecocks pick apart the Gators was that Urban Meyer is over-rated. Substantially over-rated. His win-loss record is outstanding and he does have a pair of national championships on the mantle. Impressive stuff. But most of those accomplishments have been because of the personnel he walked into. He showed up at Utah after Alex Smith was known to have a quality arm. Meyer never coached a team of his own recruits in SLC. He went to Florida in 2005, and was greeted by a team overflowing with talent and a veteran QB, again. To his credit, he did sign Tim Tebow. And that Tebow guy has to be considered one of the best college football players ever. Like, top 3 status. So, you do have to give Meyer some credit for bringing that guy onto the Gainesville campus. But how much of Tebow's character or ability do you think was a result of Meyer's coaching? I wasn't there in training camp, but I'm betting not a lot.

Now Tebow is gone, and for the first time, Meyer is without a veteran star on his team. And he's struggling. Well, struggling by Gator standards. After tonight, he'll have lost his third straight home game. That's struggling for just about any program. So yeah, I think Urban Meyer is over-rated. He can turn a talented team into a title contender, but he can't foster a championship program over multiple recruiting classes.

Maybe if this Brantley fellow turns things around next year, I'll have to re-evaluate, but as it stands, I'll say that more than anything, Meyer's success can be attributed to his ability to evaluate a team's talent, and then move to a team that has a lot of it.

Word.

Baby, Baby, Baby I'm Gonna Leave You, I Said Baby, You Know I'm Gonna Leave You

Well, I've waited long enough I guess. I wanted to make sure I told my parents and classmates before I went completely public with this. Mike's known about the possibility of it for about a couple months.

After this semester, I'm leaving medical school.

While I'm not thrilled about it (and the incumbent financial issues), it's what I feel is best in the long run. There are several reasons why, but I'll give you the three biggest, in no particular order.

First, after spending this much time on the inside of the medical establishment, I've gotten a much better look at how things are. And I have to say, they don't look good. I still love the field, and the idea of it, but the passion to become it has faded as the reality of what it entails has set in. And with the way things are going politically, it appears to only get worse. Now, I'm not saying that the political moves were wrong, I'm just saying they're wrong for me in particular. Essentially, they make doctors glorified mechanics, but with worse hours. I don't think the demands, nor the compensation are going to get better any time soon, and I'd rather not live that way.

Secondly, I'm having to put everything I have into studying, and still struggling to be middle of the pack. I don't ever want to be known as "struggling to be middle of the pack", especially in my profession. That's just unacceptable to me. I believe I've got it in me to be the best, or at least among the best, and if my best efforts aren't landing me there, then maybe I should not be trying to get there. To go along with this, I decided to set a standards bar for my classes this term. If I gave it my all, and couldn't get A's, then it was time to look elsewhere. Not to be a knock to my classmates, but I don't think they're so much smarter than me that I can't achieve what they can. After two months of busting it, I can tell you I'm not going to be getting A's. I've run the numbers, and it's just not there.

Thirdly, I may be the last to recognize this, but maybe I never was supposed to become a doctor at all. I'm not saying I'm not capable, because, well, I am. But if I was supposed to become one, the path wouldn't have been as rough as it has been. When you score in the top 5% of the national entrance exam, but get turned down by 100% of the national schools (twice), something's not adding up. When you try to get experience by working as a paramedic or a CNA, and neither work out, maybe you're not supposed to be a health professional.

So, yeah. I've had to let this dream go. I've spent the past ten years wanting to be a doctor, pushing against and through every wall, and making it all the way to medical school, but enough is enough. It's just not for me. I'm for it, but it's just not for me.

In December, I'll pack up and fly home for good. I'll spend Christmas there, and start moving on. The plan is to go to Utah and land a job in the financial sector, with aspirations possibly towards an MBA, but we'll see when we get there. I do, or at least did, well with business matters and feel that I can both excel and provide for myself and family in that arena. To be perfectly honest, I'm not trying to focus too much on it because I still have to get through this semester. I'll finish out these classes, and leave as a student in good standing, academically and otherwise. While I will be sad to say goodbye to all the friends I've made out here, I've got to do what's best for me in the long run.

I sure hope this is it.

Word.

Cause I Want It All Or Nothing At All

Reading my friends' blogs, it's always feast or famine. Either I get a new post, or I have to continue starving. Today, I got all sorts of excited. I was going from friend's blog to friend's blog and was stoked to continually see that people had put in updates over the past day. Usually they come spaced out about once or twice a week, so this was an exceptional treat to have so many all at once. Now, maybe I'm a little slow, but it wasn't until about the third picture of someone's child dressed up as a pirate or a giraffe or a ladybug that I realized why every friend that I have who has spawned was wanton to post something.

That old Halloween sneaking up again. For the most part, I enjoy holidays. Big fan of Christmas and Thanksgiving. What's not to love about days revolving around large meals and taking the entire day off to do nothing besides eat those meals, and talk about other great meals? You give me a reason to sit down in front of food, and I'm your best friend. Here on the rock I take the missionaries out to dinner about once a month, not necessarily because I feel like I'm doing a good deed, but mostly because it gives me a legit reason to sit down to a nice steak dinner. (Side note: Here, they don't take a dinner break. Not kidding. They just take their lunch around noon, and work until 9:30. Blew my mind. And now I know why I wasn't called to this part of the world.)

Which brings me to Halloween. I struggle with this holiday as an adult. It's not a big meal type of holiday, it's more of the appetizers and dip type of holiday. Not that that's a bad thing, but it does knock it down a peg in the holiday totem pole. The other issue I have with it is dressing up. If you know anything about me, it's that I rarely do anything half-way. It's my greatest strength and my greatest weakness. So, if I'm supposed to dress up on Halloween, I either want an outstanding outfit, or nothing at all. I'm not the guy who shows up wearing cleats and a polo shirt and says he's a rugby player. I don't wear a red shirt and grab a plastic pitch fork and say I'm the devil.

I join three other friends, buy suits and sweater vests, wigs and glasses, and memorize catch phrases so we can recreate the Channel 4 News Team from Anchorman (I was Brick Tamblin, and I think I ate your chocolate squirrel). I do grow out a beard, cake it and my hair with flour, and make three dozen cardboard medallions so I can go as Alfred Nobel (It was right after Obama won the Peace Prize after being in office for a couple months. I figured since the actual committee had decided to hand them out willy-nilly style, I would help them out). I swing from the heels my friends, and sometimes I connect.

However, if I can't come up with a solid idea, I don't dress up. At all. This Halloween was that situation. I only had one decent costume idea, and it was to go as a WWE wrestler. I mean, when you already have a championship belt, the costume doesn't take much more. But again, if I was going to do it, we were going all out, and yes, I'm purposefully using the phrase "all out" to describe a wrestling costume. I'm talking black boots, black knee pads and a black speedo. That's it. And if I had the speedo, I just might have done it (Your retinas just sighed, relieved that there won't be pictures of said outfit). But I don't. So instead, I just put on a nice shirt and jeans, and went out for the night.

And you know something, Halloween was just as much fun not dressed up as it was dressed up. I knew this in fourth grade when I figured out that as long as you wear a baseball cap and a glove, people will still give you the candy. You didn't have to put on a Spiderman leotard and layout a mascara spiderweb on your face. Just put two items together and watch the bag fill. (Side note: Reading from Jake and Holli about how Carder went to town eating his candy and it reminded me about how cruel/genius my parents were with this scenario. They'd let us eat as much as we could that night. Never went to the point of a refund, but many years felt that it would be a relief if I had. The next day, we were allowed to pick 30 pieces to keep. That's it. Toughest draft ever. The rest went into a huge bowl and was taken into my Dad's office. That one act single handedly staved off diabetes.)

Somehow I forgot that no one really cares whether you made a working Optimus Prime costume that actually transforms, or just put on a flannel shirt, messed up your hair and carried your loot bag on a stick. I'll never know how I forgot that, but I remember that lesson now. So next Halloween, you can expect one of two things from me. You'll either get the best costume in the room, or no costume at all. Feast or famine.

Word.

Talking About What It Might Have Been, Thinking About What It Used To Be

Ok, so I started writing a bucket list the other day. I got about ten items deep, and thought, 'this is boring for me to read, and I'm the one who is actually going to do these things.' Now, instead of a bucket list, I'm going to make the list of things I don't think I'll ever do before I die. (Aborted bucket list included at the end)

Beyond the obvious ones (be convicted of anything requiring jail time), I feel like I have a decent list of things that I plan to never do. So, in no particular order, I plan to never:

Watch Avatar or Zoolander. Avatar because I hear it's all about how stunning the visuals are. That's not enough to draw me in for 2+ hours. The Zoolander abstinence started out as a promise to a friend's mom, but now I don't think I'll watch it for two big reasons: 1) everyone has already told me all the truly funny parts, and 2) why bother with it? Made it this far and my life's been pretty good. I don't think learning about the less than funny parts will make it any better.

Pass on dessert. I will however decline seconds on dessert. Sometimes. Rarely.

Watch 'Lost'. Ship sailed on that one a long time ago.

Buy another hat to wear. As a souvenir or for a team I will, but I have two that I like to wear. One's light, one's dark. I don't see a need for a third.

Purchase a set of cleats. I just bought a pair about year ago. Fact: My shoe size isn't going to change in the next 25-30 years. Fact: After that time, I don't think I'll be playing things that require cleats.

Get in a sun-tanning bed. I've talked about this. I'm 0 for 10 in positive experiences with these things.

Join Twitter. Too much pressure to be witty every hour on the hour, not to mention the entire twitter-language that I would have to learn. Plus, I do enough following with Facebook and other blogs.

Read 'Harry Potter'. See 'Lost', although I'm not sure which one would actually take more time.

Perform the Macarena or any other line dance aside from the Electric Slide. Can't let that one go.

Climb a mountain. No thanks. Requires a bit too much prep work, not enough return. Maybe hike to the Y, considering you can drive half the way.

It's so played out, it's ridiculous, but for kicks and giggles, and I'm going to put out a bucket list. The scariest part of all this is that if I actually put it down, the odds of me doing it move to about 92%.

Attend a game in every baseball stadium. Ideally, I'd go on the dream summer road trip of 30 stadiums in 30 days, but that window is closing fast.

Spend a week in Greece. I've never seen an ugly photo from this country, and the history there is bar-none.

Bungee jump. Would go tomorrow if anyone else wants to come. Just don't want to do it by myself.

Write a book. Easily, the hardest of all the things on this list, mostly because I would never think it was complete.

Learn the piano. If 7 year olds can play it, I think I should be able to figure it out. I'm not talking concert pianist level here, but I want to be able to knock out the majority of the hymns. That, and understand why I need three foot pedals. I know one makes the notes longer, but I can't figure out why I would need 2 more?

Throw out the first pitch at a professional baseball game. I will be bringing the heat, from the slab.

Visit Oregon, Michigan, Maine, North Dakota, South Dakota, Rhode Island and Alaska, otherwise known as the only states I'm yet to visit. Out of all of them, the lowest percentage shot has to be Oregon. The only sports team they have is the Trailblazers, and I don't really care about basketball. It's tucked in a corner, so I would almost have to make a trip solely to go there. Slim odds.

Word.

We Can Dance Until We Die, You And I, We'll Be Young Forever

Have I said how much I love a good analogy? I love them so much, I often have to pause just so I don't speak completely in them. If pressed, I think I could go three days where at least one out of every three sentences was a metaphor, simile, or part of an anecdotal analogy. And the more rustic the better.

Jared also is a big fan of the metaphor. One time him and I went to eat at Tucanos. If you're unfamiliar with the place, or Brazilian grills in general, then go out at night and pick out a star. It will stop shining because of you. Essentially, they have people bringing you delicious meats on skewers, non-stop. My salivary glands are producing as well. Well, after gorging ourselves, we were walking around trying to remember a fitting metaphor. When we couldn't come up with one, we called his mom. It should be noted his mother was born and raised, and still currently resides in Arkansas. Jared asks her "If you just had a big meal and wanted to say you were full, you would say you're fuller than..." and without a moment's hesitation, she's finishes with "a tic." As though it was the only answer.

These are the lengths I'm willing to go to find a good analogy. So, I was making some brownies today (you ask 'why', I ask 'why not') and before putting the bowl in the sink, I took a long drag with my finger and licked the batter. Even caught a walnut (of course I put walnuts in my brownies). You want to know the first saying that came to mind while enjoying that sweet delight, 'Old bird-dog can still hunt'.

Which got me thinking. What are some of those critical things that I refuse to let go by the wayside? I mean, by all accounts, I have no business licking un-cooked batter. I know what's in it and I certainly know the hazards implied. Doesn't stop me. Doesn't even slow me. It's one of those primal kid-like reflexes that I have managed to retain. Of course, I went on to think of other things that maybe I should have stopped doing, but have no desire to. Here they are:

• Lick cake/brownie/cookie batter from the bowl
• Play that crane game in the walmart* entrance
• Read comic strips like 'Zits' even though I'm probably closer to the parent's age, than the kid's
• Eat ice cream out of a mini baseball helmet (or dippin dots. Marty brought them back from the future)
• Buy a pack of baseball cards. Still do it at least once a year
• Play with anything involving a remote control that isn't a TV
• Cannonball into a pool (I think I'm actually getting worse)
• Try out the baseball speed gun at ballgames
• Consider 3-4 donuts and a glass of milk a well-balanced breakfast (or lunch)
• Turn the radio up when Amy Grant or Paula Abdul come on
• Watch 'Boy Meets World' (just watched the one where Topenga moves to Pittsburgh. It got a little misty around here)
• Use the term 'Dude'
• Walk down the 'Hot Wheel' aisle, and imagine massive track sets designed to launch the car
• Wear black every August 12 (If you don't know why, type 'MLB August 12, 1994' into Google)

In my defense, this list is much shorter than the one I probably could have made two years ago.

Word.

I Dreamt I Was Dreaming I Was Wired To A Clock

10-2, 10-2, 10-2, and 10-2. Those are the regular season records for BYU during the last four seasons. And I'm genuinely afraid we might match those combined eight losses, just this season. We're already at 4, and with TCU and Utah still to play (on the road for both, might I add), that makes 6. Scary isn't it?

What's more scary is that any loss beyond those two disqualifies us for a bowl game. We've made a bowl game every year since 2004, the last of the Gary Crowton years. By the way, since the mission essentially blacked out the 2002 and 2003 seasons for me, I always felt like the BYU faithful turned on him awfully quick. For me, he went 12-1 his first season and everyone loved him. Everyone? Everyone. There were the stories about how he was really gearing the guys up, how he was making the team more unified than ever, how he had the complete respect and trust of all the players. Things looked great. And then next thing I knew he went 5-6 (Who schedules 11 games) and everyone (everyone? Yes, everyone) can't wait to can this guy. Even my friends who had missed the same seasons I had, suddenly thought this guy was at best, on par with a three-year-old. It never made a lot of sense to me. Looking at it historically, I understand why he was canned. You take a program that historically at least makes bowl games and often wins their division, but instead you miss bowl games three out of four years, with the only bowl game being your first year? Yeah, they'll be calling for your head. I understand that. I just never understood why there was so much venom behind it.

What scares me is, what if Jake Heaps isn't the 'next McMahon', and what if Riley Nelson isn't the same after his injury heals? Could the fanbase turn on Bronco? Could all the things that now make people talk about him in Parsegian-esque reverence, become viewed as foibles and weaknesses? I like Bronco. I think he's a fine coach that is facing a tough season from injuries and unforeseen complications (Unga, I'm shaking my head in your direction). The firing of the D-coordinator after last week's loss, while not unjustified, could certainly be viewed as Bronco trying to show that he'll do anything to stay above the fray. The departed claims to be a scapegoat, and I'll co-sign that. He as cut loose after a fourth straight loss. But why not the Offensive coordinator? The Cougs are currently 114th in scoring. There are only 120 teams. While their defense is not spectacular, it is noticeably better (88th). I don't have any solid theories on this, but it does seem interesting.

Either way, I'll be watching the game today. I'll track down some online feed and stream it onto my tiny rock. And if they win, I'll do it again next week. But the second they become bowl-ineligible, that's when I switch to radio only. Except, of course, against Utah. I clear my schedule for two games each year. BYU-Utah and Miami-FSU. And tonight is Miami-FSU. So if you need me tonight, make sure to call me before 8pm. Or be prepared to wait until 11:30.

Word.

And This Is The Moment That I Live For I Can Smell The Ocean Air

There are only so many truly great days a year. Most of them are known a long ways off. I know that every Christmas is going to be fantastic. Any day associated with bite-sized desserts being consumed all day long, relaxing around the house and catching up with family and friends is going to be a very good day. And you can't say enough about a tootsie roll bank.

But today is one that just kind of happened. Among my passions, baseball is far away the chiefest (I guess that really is a word). If you don't know this by now, then I'm genuinely surprised you know how to read. This season was an up and down affair for my beloved White Sox. We started out slow, caught fire right around the all-star break, and then fizzled out as our bats and bullpen failed us. We still had hope with three weeks left, but then we decided to lose 9 straight. Can't really bounce back from that. On the brightside, if you would have told me in April that we would finish with 88 wins, I would have taken it. I also would have assumed that would have been enough to win the AL Central, but this year it wasn't.

Which brings us to one of the reasons why this is a most splendid day. Today starts baseball playoffs. The best of the best, where every game counts. I love it. Every year I look forward to October, primarily for this reason, and this year seems to be excellent. So many great storyline for this year. The Yankees, not only trying to repeat, but to get one for their belated GM Steinbrenner and 'the voice of God' Bob Sheperd, who both passed away earlier this season. The Rays, trying to show that you don't need a 9 figure payroll to win it all. The Rangers, the only team left without a playoff series victory, trying to make a name for themselves. The Twins, pressing forward without former MVP Morneau, proving to their fans that their tax dollars are not being wasted on the new stadium. The Giants, making their first trip back to post-season play since 2003. The Reds, with an even longer stretch of futility, but sporting the most valuable player in Joey Votto and the most electrifying in Aroldis Chapman (105.1 mph? That's insane). The Phillies, fighting to remain among the elite.

But all of those pale in comparison to the Braves. Bobby Cox's boys gave him a gift by grabbing the last playoff spot on the last day of his last season. Now he gets one last shot at the big tamale. His team is spearheaded by youngsters and rookies, and might just have enough momentum to go deep into the month. I'm usually not one to encourage rooting for the Braves because I feel they're partnership with TBS created an unnaturally large fan base. But this year, if you don't already have a horse in this race, feel free to back the Atlanta nine.

Beyond the playoffs though, today starts one of my other passions. The dawning of a new season of MTV Challenges. This year's is a new variant: Cutthroat. Sounds pretty impressive. Personally, they could have named it the mud and I would still watch it tenaciously. And if you aren't watching these shows, then you truly are missing out on one of life's great joys. Hard-core athletic competition, high drama all the time, and beautiful people everywhere. What's not to like? And they're bringing back Chet, the Mormon. He's marginally stronger than the strongest girls, but that doesn't mean I'm pulling for him. I don't think he'll win, unless his team is stacked, but here's to hoping.

Lastly, today is amazing because it's my good friend Raechel's birthday. Congrats. Sorry I can't be there to celebrate with you.

Word.

My Life Gets Kind Of Boring Need Something That I Can Confess

Go a week without seeing the sun.
Think I should let my hair grow out.
Buy a Celine Dion album.
Turn down a dessert.

Those are a few things on my list of: Things I'll never do again. It's not necessarily a Murtaugh list, because I'm not banning them due to old age. I'm banning them because they're just horrible ideas. And now, you can add "Go to a tanning salon" to this list. I visited one of these establishments while I was in Utah. The reasons were obvious. Despite living in the Caribbean, no one short of the Stay-Puft Marshmallow or the Michelin Man were rivaling me in pasty-whiteness. And it wasn't even like I had a farmers tan. I was ghostly from head to toe. On top of this, I knew there was a boating excursion on the weekend, so I figured I should at least put forth an effort to look like I lived in a place where a beach was no farther than 15 minutes away at any point.

So I went to the tanning salon one afternoon. I had been before and remembered that at least once I got a mild sunburn so this time I was just going to do whatever the girl behind the counter said first-timers did. Why I believed that this girl who had been working for only a couple weeks, and really only had to know the subtle differences between the four different types of beds (Who knew they were 4 types? Why is suntan bed research getting funded?) and possibly the lotions prominently displayed, would know the precise service to maximize my results, I'll never know. But I figured whatever her experience was, it was more than mine. So she tells me that for the best returns, the first timers take 7 minutes in the "Ultra" bed. Now, I liked the idea of the Ultra bed because it reminded me of Fleer Ultra baseball cards, which were the coolest when they first came out. I told the girl that that sounds like a plan. She asked if I knew how to use the bed.

Now, I should tell you that the last time I used a tanning bed was a couple years ago. back then, they were simple. You laid down and closed the lid. That's it. This thing felt more like a video game. I had speakers playing radio stations, and could even have plugged in an iPod if I brought it. I had buttons controlling fan speeds. There were different bulbs just for my face, a voice command telling me about the bed, and the plastic was extra wide and ergonomically contoured. I felt like this was the bed that Judy Jetson will likely use to maintain her color. It did everything but ask me if I had been working out lately. (No, I hadn't. However, I have started. No lie.)

I rode out the seven minutes, having cool breezes keeping my brow only slightly damp, while Kenny Chesney told me about the boys of fall. It wasn't bad at all. I still hate those stupid eye things because they feel ridiculous and uncomfortable, but beyond that, a pleasurable experience. Then the next day came. And the sunburn was there. For unknown reasons, only on my left side, but from torso to thigh, I was pink. Not pleased. Thankfully, it wasn't so bad that I was non-functional. But it was a nuisance I had to deal with for the next couple days. Growing up in Florida, getting sunburned was almost a summer tradition. But over the years, I like to think I've gotten smarter and have begun installing impediments. And then I go and do something like this.

Never again. Never.

Word.

What I've Got's Full Stock Of Thoughts And Dreams That Scatter

You want to know what store is amazing? The Apple Store. Not even kidding with you. I spent about an hour or so there today, and it was quite the experience. Outside of Black Friday sales, I have never witnessed the scene I saw walking into the Salt Lake City Apple Store, on a random Monday, at 2pm. For starters, the place is visually impressive. Even though there were dozens of computers and devices on display, with most of them being used, the layout was not oppressive and the crowds were not a hindrance. And despite the fact that nearly everybody in the store was talking at the same time, I could still hear Hall and Oates's classic 'You Make My Dreams Come True' over the speaker system. I can not speak highly enough about this. The staff were plentiful and seemed to be razor sharp. To the point that I honestly believe that none of them really learned on the job. I had the chance to watch at least a dozen people come in with problems, concerns and questions, and at point was any staff member flustered or confounded. Everything was smooth and with a smile. I almost bought an iPad just to reward them on being so great. (Well, that, and the fact that iPad is amazingly cool, but I just can't justify the cost right now).

Now why was I there you ask? It turns out, an iPod is a lot like the wicked witch of the west. You get some water on it, and it's done for. And mine got a lot of water on it. So I spent the morning driving from store to store, each one referring me up the chain until I found myself heading to the Apple Store at the Gateway in Salt Lake. I show up, wait about 45 minutes for an appointment (yes, they have you make an appointment, and I got lucky because one opened up about 10 minutes after I got there. After that one, I was looking at waiting about 2 hours for the next one. So yeah, if you're going there for reasons other than taking in the ambiance, make an appoinment ahead of time. Or clear your afternoon) and after talking with the guy for ten minutes, I'm walking out the door with a fresh replacement. Fantastic. Only in America can you walk into the store with a defective, high-end electronic device, and walk out with a completely new working model the same hour. If I was back on St. Maarten (or whatever is left of it after the hurricane), this would have taken three weeks at least, and about $100 in shipping fees. Here? $20 in gas. Can't beat it.

I do love America.

Word.

Screams From The Haters Got A Nice Ring To It, I Guess Every Superhero Need His Theme Music

America. Oh I love it. Can't get enough of it. When I'm on the rock, I go to Ace Hardware just because it smells like America (freedom mixed with opportunity if you wanted to know). I think McDonald's is something spectacular because I can close my eyes and believe that I'm eating my McNuggets in a place where I don't have to worry whether my change will be in dollars or guilders, or if the power will go out mid-bite, or if I have enough bottled water to brush my teeth and shave. (By the way, shaving with bottled water, ridiculous. I was all lathered up and then the sink runs dry. It was the worst shave ever, until yesterday when I used a single blade disposable. Straight criminal really. 36 hours later, still feeling the burn.)

However, one of the downsides is that there are actual police who actually do their job. And part of their job entails giving me a speeding ticket once a year. I swear to you, it's like clockwork. Every fall since I was 17, barring the mission, I've gotten a speeding ticket. Sometimes two in a fall, but without fail, at least one. I'm in the states for a week and half this fall, driving my car for a little less then a week. Get nailed doing 36 in 25. And that's exactly what it was. Normally when they write you up for 36, you were doing like 44. Nope. I was doing 36. I had just made the corner and was accelerating while sharing a story, and boom I see a cop coming the other way. Look down, just north of the 35 tick mark. Yes, I was breaking the law, but seriously? 36 in a 25? I chalk that up to fate and destiny. This is what happens when you have legit police that actually do their job.

On better notes, there are quality donuts on like every street corner. I feel that if Noah was force to bring one food item on the ark, he would bring bacon, but if he had two he would bring nacho cheese. Donuts would be a close third. They would be followed by tootsie rolls, caramels, and Wingers Sticky Fingers.

Speaking of Sticky Fingers, I'm like 48 hours away from having a belly full of them. And a plate of them in the fridge. And another order grilling in the kitchen. Yep. All over it. You want in on some of this action, bring your A eating game, and holler at me when I get up to Utah on Wednesday evening. Normally I wouldn't post a phone number on the internet, but this number is only active for 4 weeks a year, so who cares. 321-222-8799.

Word.

I Could Use A Dream Or A Genie Or A Wish To Go Back To A Place Much Simpler Than This

Wow, a whole month huh? After I had turned out three in consecutive weeks. I'm sorry. I feel like I got your hopes up for some sort of regular turnaround time, and then completely destroyed it. Truthfully, I hoped to be able to turn one out a week, but I kid you not, this med school stuff ain't no joke.

But I'm not here to talk about that. I'm here because Mike and I made another wager. We make a lot of them. Surprisingly, the one thing we haven't wagered on is girls. I'd love to say it's because we're gentleman and that doing so would be uncouth, but odds are its because we never could think about how to quantify things.

The most recent bet, and one that makes me a little giddy at the prospect of winning, concerns Dustin Pedroia and Robinson Cano. They are the second baseman for the Red Sox and Yankees, respectively. Looking up their stats, aside from this year where Cano has been performing well above his career averages and Pedroia has been on the DL for extended periods of time, Pedroia has been better. By almost every metric. So what's the bet? Who will be better during the 2011 and 2012 seasons? He's got Cano, of course, and I've got Pedroia.

That's the boring stuff. Here's the good stuff. If I'm right, Mike has to refer to Pedroia for an entire year solely as the "2008 AL MVP". He currently refers to him in language that is...colorful. Not tasteless, but I would think twice about using it over the pulpit. I probably would still use it, but that's why I'm not the Elder's Quorum President (which, coincidentally, is the reason I would use it over the pulpit). Additionally, he will have to refer to Cano solely as "Buster Olney's hump buddy". I'm already trying to see if there is a way I can get my hotmail account to send out a message every morning asking him about how Cano and Pedroia did, just so he has to respond using their new names.

Hopefully, I can talk him into making a slapbet. If you're not familiar with this term, go watch How I Met Your Mother, Season 2, Episode "Slapbet". It is worth your 22 minutes. Even if you've never seen an episode of this show, you will find yourself on the floor laughing. Admit it. Just reading the word 'Slapbet', an intrigued smile crept across your face. Check the mirror.

There it is. It is just as good, possibly better, than you imagine it to be.

I wish I had more to say, but I've been hitting the books hard for the past week and will likely continue to do so until after finals on the 17th. You have no reason to expect a post between now and then. However, there'll probably be one during the week after finals. I'm sure something will be worth writing about.

Lastly, going to Florida for a week after finals and then Utah for a week right before coming back for the next semester. Let me know if you'll be in either location.

Word.

A Moment, A Love, A Dream Aloud

Three things I want to do sometime in my life:
1) Throw food, full bore, at the TV over something. I'm not one to get angry. For all the passion I live with, I don't really get angry. Can you think of a time when I was really angry? It's a short list. But still, every time I see someone do this on TV or in a movie, I think "That's awesome. I wish I could do that." Oh, and then have someone and clean that mess up.
It's also something that I feel have to do real soon. When I leave this island, I'm going back to my nice TV. I wipe that thing down with special wipes. Kind of like the Armor All ones for your dash, but built for electronics. The only things I will ever throw at that baby are taunts and cheers, depending on how my team is doing.

2) Have something decided by a huge wheel. Like Wheel of Fortune, Price is Right or Bozo's Grand Prize Game At Home Player big. I want to spin something that requires a full body motion, and have it mean something more than whether I'm going to get a magnetic baseball team schedule, or a bumper sticker. This goes along with my idea to get one of those lottery ball air shooter things to help me determine which random movie I'm going to watch that night. (Think of it, instead of endlessly scanning over the boxes, you just create a ping pong ball that has the movie's cover art on it. You just turn the sucker on, and pull the release. Whatever pops up, you watch. Buy a new movie, make a new ball. Get rid of movie, throw out the ball. Thinking about it, all you would really need is a hair dryer, a 5 gallon water jug, a good amount of ping pong balls, a couple strong rubber bands, and a utility knife. Two full days, and this is done.)
Back to the wheel though, The most readily one that I could think of would be a "Where to eat?" wheel. The Price is Right wheel has 20 spots. I can name 20 restaurants off the top of my head that I frequent. (Yes, I definitely eat out at least 20 times a month. What of it?) Start to feel some hungus coming on, step up to the wheel and let it rip. It would be like the Urbanspoon app, but way cooler because it's a tangible wheel, with a five foot diameter, and the thing that makes the click sound.
I know what you're thinking. Couldn't you just spin the wheel until you got to one you wanted? Oh, you underestimate my resolve. First spin gets it. The only exceptions would come in if there was some sort of medical condition that would rule out a choice. say I'm going out on a date, and I know she's allergic to sticky fingers (I don't know why I would even bother dating someone with this condition, but for hypothetical's sake, go with it), I would know better than sticking with Wingers. (I would definitely take a date to Wingers. Heck, I would have my wedding luncheon there if the future wifey cleared it. It's a classy place. Some people even dress up for it.)

3) Get my own baseball card. Turns out, for the past two years Topps has been putting codes in their card sets. The first person to crack it got themselves inserted into the next year's set. Two things: Why didn't they do this from 1990-1995? I would have been in at least one set, if not three. The only thing that would have held me back was the cash flow to get the cards, but I guarantee you, if you told me that my card could wind up sandwiched between Frank Thomas and Alex Gonzalez (I wanted to put Ken Griffey, but they never put two all-stars one right after the other), I would become the youngest donor at the blood bank ever. I would have learned how to mow a yard at age 9 instead of 26.
Now that I could financially buy baseball cards by the box, I'm genuinely thinking about giving it a whirl when I get back to the states in 2011. Last year's code was cracked in 72 hours. I figure this year's will take four days, and when I step up next year's it would take probably a week. Yeah, I can do that. Completely worth it to get my own legit baseball card.

Word.

I'm Dressed All In Blue And I'm Remembering You

So I watched both 'Reality Bites' and 'High Fidelity' late this evening. Let me tell you, don't do this if you want to sleep later that evening. It is not conducive to anything other than deep, existential thoughts. And that brings us to this blog post.

For me, I got to thinking about past relationships. I've had my fair share and I like to think I've ran the gamut of relationships. Deep, shallow, short, long, good, bad. Some I regret starting, some I regret ending, but they're all part of my character now. They've all shaped me and how I handle future relationships. They've all given me stories and memories that remind me of all the good reasons to take romantic chances.

I can't tell you why, but I got to thinking about how the other halves of my relationships view our time together. I wonder if they think that I was good to them. Which memories do they still have, if any? I have to imagine that the married ones seldom, if ever reflect on when I dated them, but I like to believe that they have a couple. I know my parents still have stories, some of them not disastrous, of people they dated before they met each other.

The ones who are still single, I hope they think well of the time we shared. I like to think that they remember the fun times, but part of me wonders if they have bad stories about dating me. Id like to think that I was flawless, but I know there were some rough spots along my relationship road. I wonder if those outweigh the good times, or vice versa.

Again, do not watch 'High Fidelity' and 'Reality Bites' late at night, back to back. Do not do it. You will end up thinking about questions that have no answers.

Word.

I Was Listening To The Radio And Wondering What You're Dreaming When It Came To Mind That I Didn't Care

I'm still kind of reeling about how the US got robbed against Slovenia. Sure the defense decided to take the first half off, but that doesn't mean we should get penalized in the closing minutes in addition to allowing those two goals.

Yeah, I have World Cup Fever. It presents with a strong urge to actually play soccer, using the term 'pitch' to describe something other than a throw to the catcher, and rooting for countries that you can not locate on a map (Slovenia?? The announcer said it was next to Italy. Good enough for me). It's a 30 day bug, and usually self-resolves, but may recur in four year intervals.

Normally, I would watch every game, but do to time zone changes, and class, I have to miss most of them, and abstain from a couple others. As it turns out, Medical School was the right time for my parents to say "You know, when you get to (junior high/high school/college/medical school), you're going to have buckle down and study." I've been a world class coaster for the past 20 years of my academic career. Every now and then a class would challenge me and I would have to raise my game, but for the most part, the road was a downhill slip and slide. Just enjoy the ride and everything will be great fun.

Now, I'm studying for tests weeks and months out. I'm studying for a test that is a year out. A year. It blows my mind to think about it. There's just so much stuff that I need to have on recall that I genuinely have to start as soon as I receive it. I spend a good chunk of my day preparing outlines and flash cards reviewing bacteria, viruses, tissue pathologies, and physiological abnormalities. And none of it will pay off for at least three weeks. Ridiculous.

Which brings me back to the World Cup. More pointedly, diversions. I love them. They keep me sane and help me realize that there is more to life that just grinding it out. For those of you that don't have an iPhone/iPod touch, you can just check out now. Go over to Sporcle.com, play yourself some mentally stimulating games, and eat some apricots. For those that do, I have to express some love for a couple apps that have gotten me through many a late night or all day study session.

In order of how willing I am to name a child after it:

1) Angry Birds- Ok, maybe not a child, but I guarantee you, the next softball team I construct, we will be known as the angry birds. For $0.99, you get this fantastic game where you slingshot birds (with various special abilities) at pigs, in efforts to reclaim the eggs those pigs stole from you. It is amazing. If you trust me about anything other than food recommendations, trust me that this is 99c that you will be glad you spent.

2) Words with Friends- Rae-lo showed me this one and I've been hooked ever since. It plays on my hyper-competitive nature as well as my puzzle-solving-itis. It's scrabble against either known or random people over the internet. The best part is that if you don't have time to play a whole game in one sitting, you just leave and come back later. It works out great when I'm playing against friends out in Utah or California who live in a completely different time zone and therefore wake up later than me and stay up later than me. A big-ups to Rae-lo for this recommendation. If you have it and want to play, get at me (I've always wanted to say that) at RickMD239.

3) Catan- Dear sweet goodness, if you haven't played Settlers of Catan, go play right now. And if you have played it and don't like it, then return to your alien ship and fly home. Seriously. Best game ever created that isn't named 'Monopoly'. And they have it in app form. Only downside, can't play multiplayer like Words with Friends. I understand why because it's a game that needs be done in one sitting, but still would like to have the option. Also, a little pricey at $4.99, but definitely worth it if you like Settlers. After a couple of games, you'll come to hate Vincent almost as much as I already do.

4) Line-up- It's free, so you might think it sucks, but it's a fantastic little app. You clear out connecting, same-colored tiles in efforts to prevent the stacks from reaching the top. The best part is that a game usually is over within 2 minutes, so it's perfect for when you're waiting for someone or something and you're not sure how soon they'll be there. Like how snake was for the original Nokia phone. (If you don't know what I'm talking about, get out. Just get out right now. As far as I'm concerned, that is, was and always will be the greatest cell phone game ever. And it's not even close.) Completely worth getting, and has a high replay ability.

Oh, and the thing plays your music collection while you're playing games. Really would have blown pioneer minds that they could have played virtual kick the can while listening to Come, come ye saints (remix).

Word.

Rob The Jewelry Store And Tell Them 'Make Me A Grill'

Don't touch the kicker's plant leg.
Don't talk to someone working on a no-hitter.
Don't take pictures while Tiger's in his back swing. (But do feel free to take them during his back slide.)

There are some things that are unacceptable. Had a buddy throw a fantastic barbecue the other day. The grub was superb, people excellent, and a general feeling of 'awesome' permeated the affair. Despite this, I realized that this event is fraught with opportunities to be either a hero or a goat. However, since they are previously unwritten, you can't really get mad about people making the following mistakes. To remedy this, I've decided to outline a couple of rules that every guy should follow in regards to a barbecue invite. This is by no means an all-inclusive list, but simply a primer, and most of these rules applies to when a guy invites another guy. I've come to realize that girls get passes on just about everything.

1. Bring meat. In particular, bring at least enough for you, and preferably something extra to share. Unless the event is being catered or a company junket, make sure to stop by the deli before you show up. Just because the host has decided to open his house and fire up his grill does not mean he should be buying every guest a steak or rack of ribs. Even if you know the man can afford it, be a man yourself and come bearing animal flesh. Listen, if Warren Buffett invited me to a barbecue at his house, I'm walking in with a steak and package of bratwurst.

Why the extra you ask? Simple. Have you ever been to a function and thought, 'Man this is great, but there is just too much barbecue meat.' Me neither. You can never have enough. And if there's some left over, the host keeps it. Anything opened becomes property of the host. If you showed up late and they never opened your bacon wrapped filets, you can take those home, but if even one of the four pack was opened, it's stealing to put those back in your car. Bringing food to the barbecue is like bringing a sexy personality to a date. No one complains about the extra and the host takes it home at the end of the night.

2. You're arrival time should be dictated by how much of a friend the host is to you. Barbecue's take some prep work. Especially if you're using charcoal. But even gas grills require scraping, moving, testing, and washing. Now, while the host doesn't need help, he certainly would appreciate at least some company while he's going about the prep work. If your a really close friend, show up on time. The less close you are, the later you show up. However, there needs to be a cap...

3.Don't show up an hour late to a barbecue. You do realize this is man's house, not a restaurant? He wants the party to go for a while too, but if people keep showing up later and later, that means he has to either A) keep near the grill to cook the food for Johnny Late-comer, or B ) feel bad about not grilling for Jimmy Rude-sauce. If you are physically unable to come within an hour, bring food that does not require grilling. Fried chicken is a good main dish, or feel free to bring in any dessert. Remember, the host wants to hang out with people too. He doesn't want to spend the whole day by the grill.

4. Bring no more than one more dude than girl you bring. Put this with the 'Too much meat' issue. Never has there been a party where people left because there was too many girls there. If you find yourself thinking that, do two things immediately: 1) slap the begeezus out of yourself, 2) call me with your location.

When a guy is having a barbecue he wants to have fun, eat well, hang out with friends, and meet new friends. You should also be thinking, maybe this a chance for him (as well as yourself) to meet new ladies. On the list of perfect situations to meet new girls, I don't know how one could exclude barbecue. People are being fed and sheltered, so Maslov's lowest tier of needs is being satisfied. It's not crowded enabling conversations to easily and spontaneously start. And, everyone knows at least one other person, so everyone is socially comfortable. For those scoring at home: win-win-win-win.

This is why you as a guest should be aware of your impact on the gender balance. You may bring one additional guy friend without bringing a girl. However, if you want to bring two guy friends, you must get at least one other girl to come. You want to know what you hear all the time as people are leaving parties? 'There's too many dudes.' Be a part of the solution, not a part of the problem.

5. As a guy, make sure that the best grub goes to girls. Trust me when I say that first impressions go a long way. I've spent the past 10 years of my life refining the first impressions I give. Not kidding. And the results have been nothing short of astounding. I started out with a girl approval-to-girl meeting ratio of about 1/6 (meaning for every six girls I met, one left thinking, 'he's an ok guy'). That's horrible. Now, I'm up around 6/7 (can't get them all). And why you ask? Simple. I offer them the best. If I'm at a barbecue, I want some good steak as much as the next guy. However, I don't really care if it comes to me a little overcooked or undercooked. I'll eat anything from rare to well done (though a man ordering a steak well done causes an angel to lose its wings) and enjoy myself. My impressions on the host and guests are typically food independent. Girls, however, bring everything together. If they're eating something nasty that reflects poorly on the entire company. Don't let that happen. Give the girls the best stuff. If the girls are happy, everyone's happy. If they're not, no one is.

6. Don't offer to help grill. Unless you have a show on the Food Network about grilling, let the host handle the cooking. The host planned this activity. If he didn't think he could do it sufficiently, he wouldn't have set it up. And, if by chance, he does need help, he'll ask. Offering another man help grilling is like offering him help driving. Why don't you just ask him if he need help opening his jars? It's about the same.

Avoid these things guys. Everybody wins.

Word.

The Good Life, Let's Go On A Livin' Spree

Because it the first month of Baseball season and I was fretting over why my team is already 6 games back?
Because it was announced that '24' was ending and I wanted the world to go dark?
Because The Rise of Mickelson had started and I wasn't sure how to publicize it?
Because there was a shortage of 'fantasta-rifficness' in the world and my services were called upon?

Now, while the last one may be true, none of them are reason for the full month hiatus. Real reason- two weeks of prepping for midterms and finals coupled with leaving my laptop in my apartment when I went to back to the states. I decided to see if I could handle all of my daily internet based tasks solely via the iPod. And I can. It's fantastic. Now when I travel, instead of a laptop and huge charger cable, the iPod and it's tiny wall charger are sufficient. Very pleased.

Things that I'm also pleased about, my trip to NYC. Absolutely great. Big kudos to Mike for putting it all together. Saw the sights in a timely fashion, had a lot of great experiences, and was able to hang out with a lot of great people. An absolute blast, start to finish. No, seriously, from eyes open to eyes closed, non-stop laughing and enjoyment. Could not have gone better, and that even includes the forgoing of Bethpage. Well, maybe if the White Sox swept, instead of going 1-2, but asking for that would be unreasonable. And yes, I may have lost the end of my pinky finger due to frostbite at the Mets game, but it was worth it.

What stands out most of all, is the fun I had with the people who came. They were perfect. I came in knowing Mike better than he knows himself, a couple others by name, and some not at all, but I can say that I left with indelible memories regarding them all. (Wow, that came off a lot more touchy-feely than I wanted. I feel like I'm in a Single's Ward Fast and testimony meeting, praising my roommates. Yikes.) But honestly, much love to those eight who put up with me, and took me in as one of their own.

Also, a big thanks to Dan and his family for putting me up for a couple evenings in their lovely home. Couldn't have been treated better if I was in my own home. That's not hyperbole, either.

Couldn't have asked for more out of vacation.

Word.

I've Got Another Confession My Friend, I'm No Fool

I have a friend named Jake. For starters, I should tell you he is one of the best people I have ever met. How great is he? Glad you asked. We all know how much I like being who I am. I mean, I really like being me. Really, really like it. However, if given the opportunity to become him, I just might take it.

I bring him up, because of a phrase he often used to describe things. He often would refer to something as 'A poor man's...' to describe how one thing was similar but inferior to another. And lately, I feel like there have been many instances where this phrase should be implied so everybody knows where things stand. So over the past couple days, I've compiled of a list of these comparisons.

Ryan Howard is a poor man's Albert Pujols (despite being paid like a rich man's)
Leona Lewis is a poor man's hybrid of Alicia Keys and Colbie Callait (only british)
Citi Field is at once a poor man's Citizen Bank Park and a rich man's Nationals Stadium
New Yankee Stadium is a rich woman's and a poor man's Old Yankee Stadiumd (how else do you explain the addition every amenity possible, restaurants galore, a level of cleanliness reserved for museums, and the removal of all the nostlagia, ambiance, and lore)
A good-bye hug is a poor man's good-bye kiss
A Woody Allen at the Carnegie Deli is a rich man's any other meat sandwich (I so want one right now)
The Courtyard is most certainly a poor man's Ritz-Carlton (Have you seen those rooms? Why would you leave?)
Monument Park is a poor man's Cooperstown
Every other outfielder save Matt Kemp, is a poor man's Jason Heyward
The name you want to give your daughter is a poor man's "Ken Griffey Jr's Swing" (The name I want to give my first daughter. Think the future Mrs. will green light that? Me too.)
Halo is a poor man's Contra
The NBA and NHL playoffs are a poor man's World Cup
Cream puffs, while fantastic, are a poor man's cannoli
An eCard is a poor man's real card
Ending a blog with anything else is a poor man's "Word."

Word.

Everytime I Step Up In The Building Everybody Hands Go Up

Here it is. The long awaited for baseball prediction showcase. I can feel the hot breath of the throngs behind me, dying to supplant my greatness. Not this years my friends. Not this year.

AL East

1. Yankees- It's just absurd how well this team is built. When Brett Gardner is the only name on the diamond who isn't a big name, you're doing fine. They're only possible weakness is the bullpen, and that has been shored up now that Joba is finally in the bullpen where he belongs. (Side note: nice job wasting innings on trying him out as a starter. There goes two years of his career.) Either way, this team is the favorite. For everything. And it's not really that close.- 98 wins

2. Rays- Just a stacked young team here, and this year, we're not talking about whether or not players will reach their projections because everyone has done so. They could compete with the Yankees, but they need one more elite arm to show up. But I just don't see that happening.- 94 wins

3. Red Sox- How the mighty have fallen. Yes they have a good rotation behind Beckett, Lester and Lackey, but that offense is anemic. The only bopper on the team is the corpse of David Ortiz. When you're offense is going to be keyed on Dustin Pedroia, I just don't know if your team can plate enough runs to keep up with the other powers of the AL East.- 87 wins

4. Blue Jays- Strong offense, ok pitching staff now that Halladay is gone. This is a team that is praying their young arms develop today. And maybe they will. I don't think so.- 78 wins

5. Orioles- Not much to see here. Move along.- 71 wins

AL Central

1. White Sox- In a division of straight mediocrity (and believe me, it is top to bottom mediocre), I'm just going with the personal favorite. They do have the best rotation among the division, but their offense lost a lot of production with the departures of Thome and Dye. Still, I do feel we have the best chance to come out of this sector.- 87 wins

2. Twins- Almost the opposite of the White Sox, solid offense, questionable pitching. And that's why I took the White Sox. Good pitching over good hitting. Mauer though, quite the beast and has to be in the top two when it comes to MVP predictions.- 84 wins

3. Tigers- They are the most dangerous if they could put everything together offensively. Love their pitching staff behind Verlander and Porcello. The offense could be outstanding, but they haven't shown it yet.- 80 wins

4. Indians- The only thing I liked about the previews this year was that people no longer blindly say the Indians are going to be good this year. They're not. Not this year, not for a couple years. There is nothing I like about this team. If you drafted any Indian other than Grady Sizemore, you messed up in your fantasy league.- 77 wins

5. Royals- You kind of feel bad for Greinke, until you realize that he's going to get paid like banking CEO in a couple years as long as he can keep that lightning in a bottle. (People don't realize the guy had a 34-45 record before last year). Beyond that, yikes.- 69 wins

AL West

1. Mariners- Love every move they made. Acquiring Figgins from the division rival, and Lee for a couple prospects, fantastic moves. Yes, I know that Lee will likely be out, or relatively out for the month of April, but they'll be fine.- 91 wins

2. Angels- You can't lose your #1 starter and your most important offensive player and expect to stay on top of your division. Just can't put them back on top.- 88 wins

3. A's- Sure. Why not here?- 82 wins

4. Rangers- See above.- 79 wins

NL East

1. Phillies- I'm done with the Mets. I picked them for years, and they've never come through for me. I don't fully understand why they made the Halladay for Lee swap, but you know that guy's going to be dominant in the NL. I've got him for 22 wins. Not kidding 22.- 96 wins

2. Marlins- I like their young arms. Johnson and Nolasco look to be strong and the offense is strong. Not enough to take down the Phillies, but still really good for the NL.- 89 wins

3. Braves- I'll drink the Jason Heyward kool-aid. He's so impressive. I was hacked off I didn't get him in my fantasy draft.- 84 wins

4. Mets- A healthy Santana should be quite impressive, but this a team with a bunch of problems. You would think they would be stacked looking at the names, but they're like the Yankees of 5 years ago. A lot of names, but not putting up the results.- 81 wins

5. Nationals- The Strasburg era can not start early enough for DC fans. They don't have much else to look forward to.- 70 wins

NL Central

1. Cardinals- The only team that can challenge the Phillies. They got a huge break when Philadelphia's big move was a lateral move. Then the resigning of Holliday (yes they overpaid, but if it gets them a ring, it'll be their Boston-JD Drew signing) and the best one-two in the national league- San Francisco is a close second- puts them right in contention. Oh and they have this guy named Pujols. He's kind of good.- 92 wins

2. Brewers- This division is the worst in baseball. Yes, worse than the AL Central. The Brew-crew have Prince Fielder and Ryan Braun... and that's it. And yes, their the second best team in the division.- 82 wins

3. Cubs- This is getting ugly. Name me three cubs not named Aramis Ramirez. I'll wait. Now how many of them would you want on you team? Zambrano? Yikes.- 80 wins

4. Reds- Only this high because they have talented young arms that might be something special in the middle-end season.- 78 wins

5. Astros- Oswalt's looking at retirement, Berkman is plateauing, and there's not much else here to talk about. Just a mess of a lineup. Another team where if you have more than one guy on your team, you're likely both a homer and a cellar-dweller.- 75 wins

6. Pirates- I feel like there have to be triple A squads that could beat them consistently. When you rotation consists of Zach Duke, Ross Ohlendorf, Paul Maholm, Rick Russell, and the unfulfilled promise of Seth Green's movie career, you don't have much.- 68 wins

NL West

1. Dodgers- Good offense, solid pitching, and fixed their weaknesses in the bullpen. They should win this, but the Rockies are looking better this year. Still, I just can't ever root against Manny Ramirez. I want him in my life for as long as possible.- 88 wins

2. Rockies- A team that keeps getting better, but not quite there yet.- 85 wins

3. Diamondbacks- They look a lot like Rays did three years ago. A couple good starters, a young strong offense behind them. They could make some noise in a year or two, if they improve the starting pitching a little.- 81 wins

4. Giants- Lincecum and Cain. Not much behind them. They can look forward to a lot of 3-2 losses this year. I'm thinking like 88 of them.- 74 wins

5. Padres- The over under on months Adrian Gonzalez stays with the team is at 2. I'll take the under.- 72 wins.

That gives us for playoff teams

AL- Yankees, White Sox, Mariners, and Rays (Wild Card)
NL- Phillies, Cardinals, Dodgers and Marlins (Wild Card)

First round:
Yankees over White Sox in 4
Mariners over Rays in 4
Phillies over Dodgers in 3
Cardinals over Marlins in 3

LCS round
Yankees over Mariners in 7 (Sabathia & Burnett v King Felix and Lee...awesome)
Cardinals over Phillies in 6 (The Phillies still don't have an ace 2-starter. The Cardinals do)

World Series
Yankees over Cardinals in 5

And the individual awards

MVP's: Pujols and Mauer (Name anyone who does more for their team than these guys for their respective clubs.)

CY Youngs: Halladay and Felix Hernandez

Allstar starters (By numerical position)

AL
Felix Hernandez
Joe Mauer
Mark Teixeira
Dustin Pedroia
A-Rod
Jeter
Crawford
Granderson
Ichiro

NL
Halladay
Yadier Molina
Pujols
Utley
Wright
Hanley Ramirez
Braun
Justin Upton
Jason Heyward

Triple Crown Categories

HR
Pujols, Ryan Howard, Prince Fielder
A-Rod, Longoria, Carlos Pena

RBI
Pujols, Ryan Howard, Prince Fielder
A-Rod, Longoria, Adam Lind

Avg
Pujols, Helton, Hanley Ramirez
Mauer, Ichiro, Bartlett

W
Halladay, Carpenter, Lincecum
Verlander, Sabathia, King Felix

ERA
Halladay, Lincecum, Wainwright
King Felix, Cliff Lee, Jon Lester

K
Lincecum, Vazquez, Halladay
Verlander, Lester, King Felix

There you have it. Come and get me.

Word

O Cecilia, You're Breaking My Heart

I love Baseball. I know, I should have asked you all to sit down before I gave away the big plot twist, but truthfully, if I were to start every conversation with those three words, I just don't know if it would properly state the affection I have for it. Everything about it is perfect to me, and it only gets better every day. It is the air I breathe and the food I eat...

And this Saturday, it told me that I needed to work harder if it was going to hang around me.

During the past year, I have idled my time away with other pursuits. Most of them were promising, but none held a candle to Baseball. About two months ago, I discovered this island had a softball league. And not just any softball league, but one of the most serious ones I've ever seen. We're talking uniforms that the pro's wear, customized with names on the back and non-sequential numbers sewn in. Well, we did not have any corporate sponsors, so I was tasked to put together team uniforms on a shoestring budget. They look great, but no one is going to confuse ours with the Yankees'.

We've played about seven games so far, and I haven't re-checked the results, but I'm fairly certain we're 0-7. None of them were close. Despite the team thumpings, I had always managed my own. Couple hits, stolen base here or there, couple routine plays and making sure playing time for everyone is well balanced. Nothing dazzling, but I knew that Baseball was coming home with me every night.

This weekend, I went home alone.

Truly tragic. My complete confidence was jarred. I was like a 14 year old boy asking a girl to dance for the first time. In the space of twenty minutes, I dropped a pop-fly, and struck out. Yikes. I've admitted many things here that I'm not too proud of. This is by far the most humiliating.

I struck out in modified pitch softball. It's not fast pitch, but it's not the big looping slow pitch. It's as fast as it takes to keep the pitch on a line from mound to plate, but not much faster. And I whiffed for strike three. We have guys on the team who had never played baseball before this league started, and I was the first (and currently only) one to strike out.

The crowd, which normally gives us a playful ribbing, went deadly silent. It was as though they were all afraid to say anything, or I would possibly snap and attack someone with the bat. And to follow it up by dropping a fly ball in left field the next half inning (which would have been the third out, but turned a 2-run inning into a 9-run inning), and now I feel as though Baseball and me are going through our second fight ever. For the record, the first was Baseball's fault. It went on strike during the playoffs and World Series back in '94. Thankfully, I proved that I could hold out longer and it came back to me for the beginning of the 95 season.

I hope this spat doesn't last long. Baseball's all I've got to get me through the days and weeks. If I lose that, I just don't know what I'll turn to. Maybe I should get the team together and practice, but how do you get a team together to practice that has already forfeited two of their games?

Word.

Last Name Ever, First Name Greatest, Like A Sprained Ankle, I Ain't Nothing To Play With

I've held back from posting about this for a while now. Mostly so people believe that I'm always studying, partly because I didn't want to take the time, and minutely because just it's mentioning raises my heart rate and I'm not in sufficient shape to be doing that often. But I can't hold it back any more.

My White Sox play their first spring training game in less than an hour.

Yes, it's spring training and the games mean as much as my softball league, but the point is, they're back. Baseball is back. Baseball coverage is back. Baseball fantasy is back. Baseball conversations are back. Baseball shaped hot dogs are back (signed by the '86 Mets). It's back.

I've come to the point now where it's the only sport I actively follow. It's the only sport where if you tell me a starter, I can tell you his current team, position and a general statement on the quality of him. You give me the third star on pretty much any NBA team outside of the Lakers or Jazz, and I've got at best a 30% chance of getting the team. Football is a little easier because trades are far less frequent, but I would never think about ranking players outside of the top five in the major positions. I simply don't care anymore.

I would get home from church with plenty of time before the first NFL game started. I never turned the TV on for it. Not once. I never even flipped down to the channel it was on. The first game I watched was the Arizona-Green Bay playoff game. And I came in around half time. The Super Bowl was the only game I watched start to finish. I didn't think the day would come when I was a one sport follower, but I am. I'm with Baseball. (And yes, I now capitalize it as though it were a person or deity)

As such, it's time to to announce the 2nd annual 'Rick Russell knows more about Baseball than you do' tournament. The stakes will be the same. I'll give $50 to whomever can beat me. However, when you do lose, you have to send in a $1 bill inscribed 'Rick Russell knows more about baseball than I do - 2010'. Yes, I'm putting myself roughly a 50-1 favorite against the world. (Or the percentage of the world that reads this, which I can only assume is close enough to be statistically similar to the global population) If by some infinitesimal chance more than one person PED's their way in front of me, $40 to the high scorer, and $10 to the second highest.

Going to tweak it a little. Of course, team wins, playoff results as well as Cy Young and MVP will stay in play, but we're pulling Rookie of the Year. Despite the excellent movie by the same name, it's just not a good indicator of personal knowledge.

In it's place, We're going with the top three leaders in each of the triple crown categories for each league. In English, that means the HR, RBI, AVG and the Ks, W, ERA leaders of both the NL and AL. Each correct placement will be worth 2 points. You don't have to get the players in the right order, just that they finished in the top three. So if you think Omar Vizquel has been juicing all winter and is going to finish 2nd in HR this year, but actually finishes in 1st with 48 jacks, you still get the 2 points. Get it? Good.

Also, this time, we're starting with 300 points. That way everyone should finish in the positives, making the victory that much easier to show.

To recap:

Start with 300
Take the difference of actual team wins from predicted team wins, and subtract
Add 5 points for each playoff team
Add 5 points for each correct playoff designation
Add 15 points for picking a World Series team
Add 20 points for picking the World Series winner
Add 5 points for each Cy Young or MVP winner
Add 1 point for each All-Star Starter
Add 2 points for each top 3 finisher in the triple crown statistics.
Highest score wins.

All entries are due before the first official game of the regular season, Sunday, April 4, at 3:05pm ET. Mine will go up on this site at that time. Send your entries to RickRussell239@gmail.com. I'll give you all my mailing address at the end of the season.

And go White Sox.

Word.

Cause I Got A Feeling, This Could Be One Of Those Memories

So how have your past 36 hours been? I assure you, mine have been more dramatic. I don't say that often, and I less often can actually back it up. But right now, I can. I'm 99% sure I can.
Yesterday morning was midterm exams, and this time I had put in some serious study time to put out the small fires that were lit last midterms. I went in, did my thing and left feeling like I scored between an 85 and 90 on all three (this is pretty good considering the class averages are typically low to mid 70s). Went home, ate some lunch and got a message saying that the scores from one of the tests had been posted. I checked the grade, and it wasn't what I was expecting. It was a 48.

That's not your dyslexia cropping up, it really is a 48. Now, I've over projected my test results before, and they've come back 5-10 points lower than I expected. It's disappointing, surely. However, scoring 40 points below what you expected. It was like getting hit in the chest with a bag of manure. It makes you start to question everything you think about yourself. My buddy Dan and I were going to grab some pizza a couple minutes after I checked the score and I spent the whole walk over thinking about how on earth this could have happened. I mean, I thought I knew the material. I had put in the time.

At one point, I began questioning whether or not I was truly smart. I mean, sure some people might say that, but maybe it's because I'm ugly and they want something nice to say. That got me thinking about whether or not I was moderately attractive. So, because of that 48, I began to think, maybe I'm an aesthetically sub-par, less than intelligent fellow.

We have lunch and I'm going into to defcon 5. I'm asking random people if they know someone who works as a private tutor. I'm downloading the notes that will be covered in three weeks. An email is sent asking the professor to meet with me and go over the test, question by question so I don't make the same mistakes on the final. I was borderline panicking.

It's not like I haven't failed tests, because I certainly have. I hung a 32 in Accounting 210 at BYU. But the difference is, when I handed in the accounting test, I knew I was going to be lucky to get a 50. A 32 was acceptable, and wound up curving up to a 'B-' (Overall hardest class I have ever taken. Credit-for-credit however would have to go to the Organic Chemistry lab. 2 credits of demonic torment there). But when you expect a 90 or so, and wind up getting half of that, you feel your axis shift.

So the rest of the day had a dark tint as I was trying to figure out how on earth I could turn this around. My friends were meeting up to go swimming and fishing off of one of their docks. I went over and more or less forgot about it for a couple hours. (Didn't catch any fish, but saw these two kids bring in two or three by using a spear gun. I really want a spear gun now.) Came home to find another message saying another test score had been posted. This one was right about where I expected it to be.

However, it surprised me that it was posted so late. It wasn't up at 4:45, but by 7:30 it was up. So after checking that one, I figured well, might as well see if the professor responded to my email. I pull up the course page, hit the refresh button, and my grade jumped to an 88.

I've never hit control-P so fast in my life.

I was not letting that go. I hit refresh a couple more times to see if this was some sort of joke, but no, it was legit. Then I found an email saying that there was a some sort of mix up with the initial posting of the grades, but has been corrected. In one swoop, I was smart and attractive again. Had a fantastic dinner where I ate more sushi than I probably should have, and slept like a baby.

This morning was class as usual, and after that I went to get a hair cut. My sister's getting married in a month, and I knew I couldn't make it that long. So, I decided to get it cut now, this way, if it turns out bad, it will grow into something presentable between now and then. And I'm glad I did. In case you were wondering, the '#4' setting for clippers here is somehow not the same as it is in the states. The #4 here is more like the #2 back in the states. She warned me that it was going to be close, but I didn't realize how close until she cut a swath by my ear. And then there was no turning back. Now I have a decent buzz cut that will look normal in two weeks, which is one week before the wedding. Real glad I thought ahead on this one.

Right after the hair cut, Dan, Ray and I went to the beach to relax/celebrate after midterms. It was a perfect day. Slightly overcast, with a gentle breeze while the waves playfully lapped up the coastline. Took a short nap after settling into some chairs, turned over for a little and then just chilled for a while. After a couple hours being there, people started to leave.

Then, we look straight out and see a woman swimming toward two kids. I've seen enough people swim to know when they are swimming to have fun, and when they are swimming for a purpose. She was in the second group. The part of the beach we were at had a huge shore break, which makes it nice to watch, but makes it very susceptible to a rip tide. And these two little kids were certainly stuck in it. I got up and watched the lady for a minute, trying to see if she would be able to help. It became quickly evident she would not.

And then the lifeguard training from years back kicked in. I went in with two other guys. One of them went to lady, and the other one and I caught up to the kids. I don't know for sure what happened to the guy who was with me, but he seemed to disappear quickly. Now I'm swimming to shore with the two kids on my arm. I timed the waves and caught some footing under the water. The wave ebbed and I withstood most of it, but not all of it. Warning the kids that there was going to be one more wave, I got ready for one more great push. We all rode that wave far enough where I could firmly set my feet, and holding the two kids at my waist, endured the backwash. I walked out holding them for a couple steps when two other guys showed up and I handed each of them a kid.

I wasn't sure if the lady was back yet. I turned around and saw that the guy who was helping her was getting the job done, so I relaxed a little and waited until she was back on her feet and walking up the beach.

I can tell you this. I am out of shape. After just five minutes (maybe) of strenuous effort, I was tuckered for the next 15. Ridiculous. Does this mean I'm going to start exercising? You must not know me. At best, maybe I'll start running once a week. Maybe.

Oh and I got an 82 on the third test. A little lower, but still above the class average and more than enough to keep things going smoothly.

All of that happened between 6:45am on Monday morning, and 6:45 pm Tuesday afternoon.
How was your past 36 hours?

Word.

I Give It To Em Straight, You Cut It With Baking Soda

After six months in med school, I finally caved this afternoon. I knew it would happen eventually, but am more surprised that it took this long to get here.

For lunch I had a tuna sandwich and a green Monster. The tuna sandwich is not that interesting (even though I think it's the first time I ever ordered one), as much as the green Monster. It's the first energy drink I've consumed in about two years. I'm am wired right now. Like, eyes shaking inside of sockets wired. Like, seeing Ray holding his hand up while thinking and giving him an unprovoked high five. It's interesting. Let's see how long this train runs.

According To Me, You're Stupid, You're Useless

You should know, this will be long.

6 Things that irk me, for reasons that may seem stretched.

1. 'The Little Mermaid'

I don't know if I've gone over the evils of this movie in this space before, but I will tell you this, there is a 0 percent chance I'm allowing this movie into my home. 0. And if I have daughters, it drops to -25. That's right. I might actively ask other parents not to show this movie to them. I don't want them seeing it. It can only bring bad things.

Let's recap the plot line just so you understand my extreme viewpoint.
We start off with a happy family. The girls are all loved, cherished, protected and provided for by their father, who does all this while being King of the oceans. He even allows Ariel to indulge in a hobby of collecting foreign things, things he knows may be problematic. However, not wanting to intrude on her independence or impede her own maturation, he permits it. Fast forward to P-day (P for petulant), and Ariel gets an idea that she wants to go on land. She asks her father for permission, and he wisely instructs her that it would be a bad idea. And I agree. A 16 year old girl (I'm ball-parking and might be a little high), leaving home for a completely foreign land sounds more than risky.

Here's why I hate this movie. Instead of going back and thinking about why her father could have disagreed with her, she runs to the local drug dealer to get what she thinks is right. She has her frolic up on land, falls in love, and then it all starts hitting the fan when the drug dealer demands payment. And who rescues her from what can easily be analogous to jail? That's right. Her dad co-signs, sacrificing everything like a good dad does to protect his daughter.
But it's not over. Now the inmates run the prison with Ursula becoming the ruler of the seas.
Again, Ariel does clean up her own messes. Eric, the loving boyfriend, pulls off herculean efforts to set the world back in order.

And Ariel does nothing during this entire sequence. I repeat. Nothing.
And then her dad gives her what she wanted in the first place. Like nothing happened. No punishment, no conversation, nothing. Just a point of the triton and voila. Happy smiles and a lovely boat wedding.

I don't want my girls growing up thinking that:

• It's ok to disobey their parents
• If you can't get something through normal channels, go to the black market
• Every whim should be followed blindly
• They won't need to fix their problems because that's what their dad or husband is for
• No matter what happens, they will get what they want, and everything will be fine
  

So yeah. 0 percent.

2. Golf, swimming, and other things falsely called sports

If you don't have objective scoring, physicality and can not directly alter the other person's ability to succeed, you're not a sport. Sorry. If you take out objective scoring, you have performances. Remove physicality, you're playing a game. And if you can't physically impact the other person's efforts, then your just practicing with other people at the same time. I need all three for me to consider it a sport. I do love golf, but to say it's a sport is an embarrassment to real sports.

For those scoring at home, here is a starter list of sports: Football, soccer, basketball, baseball, water polo, cricket, rugby, tennis, hockey, and long distance running (because you can leave your lane and therefore, impede another runner's efforts).

The two that are so close, but I have to leave off: Boxing (if it was fight till someone gets knocked out, it would get it, but since it can go to judges, have to keep it out), and MMA (same reason).

Not sports: Swimming, short distance running, field events, gymnastics, skiing, golf, horse racing (although it would qualify as a sport for the horse), bowling and billiards.

3. Pencils

We have the pen. We even made erasable pens for those people who can't handle making a single line through an item. Why are we still using these things? Besides the texture, the noise it makes when the graphite scrapes loose...just gets to me. No thanks.

4. Door handles that only operate by being pushed down

This one gets to me because I like to hang things off the doorknob. If the handle only opens down, when I open the door, everything I hung on it slides onto the floor. No good. Because of this habit, I always try the up direction on door handles first. I find it disappointing when it doesn't work.


5. The importance placed on regular season basketball (college and NBA)

This one climbed onto the list after hearing about the possible move from 65 teams in the NCAA tournament to 96. If more than half of the teams are making the playoffs, that means you'll be accepting teams, on average, with losing records. As far as I'm concerned, no team should ever be allowed into any playoff system with a losing record. Isn't the point of a regular season to weed out the teams that wouldn't, and shouldn't, have a chance at winning a championship? Yes I realize that the cream will always rise to the top, but allowing teams who lost more than they won just seems ridiculous.

6. Literally

Easily, my pick for one of the most unnecessarily over-used, and improperly-used word. People are using it now to add emphasis, instead of to refer to things that actually occurred. You didn't literally crap your pants. You didn't literally die laughing. You didn't literally eat everything in the fridge. It didn't happen. Alternatively, I would find it awesome if people started using figuratively. I figuratively wanted to punch him. I figuratively went crazy. It's like a cool breeze on a summer day.

Not to end it on a down note,

6 Things that make me pleased, for reasons that may seem stretched.

1. 'Airborne'

If you haven't seen this movie, you haven't lived. Mitchell 'The Goose' Goosen, is the epitome of early 90s cool. He surfs, rollerblades, and even plays hockey like a champ. All the while, his hair is flowin', his lingo is stylin', and his shades are never out of reach. I feel like this movie is akin to 'Better Off Dead', where it's hilarious in part because it's a complete period piece, but also because they had just enough decent scenes to make it rewatchable.

2. Aggro Crag

If you're wondering if I spent about an hour scouring the web for a big piece of the glowing rock, you would be right. And if you know any past Nickelodeon Guts champion looking to part with their green chunk of the Crag, let me know. I'm more interested than Pauly D over a new hair gel.

3. Sawdust

Nothing not to like here. What pleases me the most, is know that if there's sawdust, it's because I made something. It's because I did something that can't be undone. It is the certificate to satisfy my high need for accomplishment.

And I like the smell.

4. Clocks

They simply fascinate me. Well, the full analog ones do. The digital ones aren't that complicated. A 5th grader can make a computer program that accurately simulates a clock. But the gears and the escapement wheel, now that is genius. Someday, I might try to build one. Odds on it working 5-2 against.

5. How far away campus is from my apartment

I live about a 6 minute walk from door to door from campus. It's the perfect distance if you ask me. Short enough that it's not a trek, but long enough that it gives me time to defrag the day's events as well as make plans for what I'm going to do once I reach whatever end point I'm going to. And, they tell me that walking is good for my health. Jury still out on that one.

6. Tootsie Rolls

No explanation needed. They're fantastic.

Word.