Baby, Baby, Baby I'm Gonna Leave You, I Said Baby, You Know I'm Gonna Leave You

Well, I've waited long enough I guess. I wanted to make sure I told my parents and classmates before I went completely public with this. Mike's known about the possibility of it for about a couple months.

After this semester, I'm leaving medical school.

While I'm not thrilled about it (and the incumbent financial issues), it's what I feel is best in the long run. There are several reasons why, but I'll give you the three biggest, in no particular order.

First, after spending this much time on the inside of the medical establishment, I've gotten a much better look at how things are. And I have to say, they don't look good. I still love the field, and the idea of it, but the passion to become it has faded as the reality of what it entails has set in. And with the way things are going politically, it appears to only get worse. Now, I'm not saying that the political moves were wrong, I'm just saying they're wrong for me in particular. Essentially, they make doctors glorified mechanics, but with worse hours. I don't think the demands, nor the compensation are going to get better any time soon, and I'd rather not live that way.

Secondly, I'm having to put everything I have into studying, and still struggling to be middle of the pack. I don't ever want to be known as "struggling to be middle of the pack", especially in my profession. That's just unacceptable to me. I believe I've got it in me to be the best, or at least among the best, and if my best efforts aren't landing me there, then maybe I should not be trying to get there. To go along with this, I decided to set a standards bar for my classes this term. If I gave it my all, and couldn't get A's, then it was time to look elsewhere. Not to be a knock to my classmates, but I don't think they're so much smarter than me that I can't achieve what they can. After two months of busting it, I can tell you I'm not going to be getting A's. I've run the numbers, and it's just not there.

Thirdly, I may be the last to recognize this, but maybe I never was supposed to become a doctor at all. I'm not saying I'm not capable, because, well, I am. But if I was supposed to become one, the path wouldn't have been as rough as it has been. When you score in the top 5% of the national entrance exam, but get turned down by 100% of the national schools (twice), something's not adding up. When you try to get experience by working as a paramedic or a CNA, and neither work out, maybe you're not supposed to be a health professional.

So, yeah. I've had to let this dream go. I've spent the past ten years wanting to be a doctor, pushing against and through every wall, and making it all the way to medical school, but enough is enough. It's just not for me. I'm for it, but it's just not for me.

In December, I'll pack up and fly home for good. I'll spend Christmas there, and start moving on. The plan is to go to Utah and land a job in the financial sector, with aspirations possibly towards an MBA, but we'll see when we get there. I do, or at least did, well with business matters and feel that I can both excel and provide for myself and family in that arena. To be perfectly honest, I'm not trying to focus too much on it because I still have to get through this semester. I'll finish out these classes, and leave as a student in good standing, academically and otherwise. While I will be sad to say goodbye to all the friends I've made out here, I've got to do what's best for me in the long run.

I sure hope this is it.

Word.