Tell Them Anything You Want To, Just Don't Tell Them All The Truth

Call me insensitive, but when one of my friends takes a tumble, I laugh a little while helping them up. It should be noted I help them up, but it is always noted that I laugh a little. Now, if you're lucky enough to ever see me stumble around, then you know that I will actually laugh about the situation before I hit the ground.

Now that you understand that I laugh at pretty much anything that goes unexpected, you must realize how absolutely fantastic I thought the stake speed dating activity was this past Valentine's Day. I mean, I don't think it could have gone any better. At least for me it went great. I didn't make any sort of romantic connections, and didn't once think about asking for the other person's number. Maybe my heart is a little frozen, but after three minutes of light conversation, I don't feel in a position to ask for a phone number. Truth be told, I make it a point to wait as long as possible before asking for a girl's phone number. For instance, I knew Raechel for almost a year, stopped by her place dozens of times, and hung out with her about the same amount. Didn't take down her phone number until a bunch of us went down to Cali for Jake's wedding. I don't know why I do this, I just do.

That's not the point though. The point is that during the 'speed dates', I knew from word one that I would not be asking for the girl's phone number. Not that I didn't sit across from some interesting or attractive girls, but more that I've learned that any relationship intended to last beyond the first date, typically has more lead-up time to that first date than three minutes.

After the hour or so of musical chairs, I found out from some of the girls that some of the guys were not of this mindset. Some guys were at least honest enough to ask for them. But one guy pulled the what-type-of-phone-do-you-have?-Can-I-see-it-for-a-sec? maneuver. It's bush league all the way, but the gambit is designed to let the girl hand you her phone for seemingly harmless reasons, and then you call yourself from her phone. Thus getting her number, and giving yours in one simple, sneaky movement. Again, bush league. Amateur hour stuff. Never done it myself, never plan to.

The best part of this, was that this move was completely new to the victim. Bless her heart, but she was stunned first and foremost that this was an actual ploy. Then she was aghast that it actually happened to her. Me? I laughed. I still laugh. And I'll laugh when he calls this week asking for a date.

You've seen the laughing, now for the helping. After telling the girl about this dirty trick, I told her that if she needed an excuse to get out of his date invite, I would co-sign and take her out. There's your help. I'm not evil, I just really like to laugh and find things funny. Life's too serious without it.

Would I ever plan a speed dating activity after witnessing that event? Almost certainly not. Would I attend one if I knew that my female friends were going? Almost certainly yes. They always end up with the funniest stories. You can chalk that up because guys are generally more willing to push the envelope just to see if something will happen. And more often than not, that something that does happen, is a hilarious story for me. I'll help the girl hide from the idiot, dance with her if I see the fool approaching, and even agree to a pre-determined story to help her out of a dreadful night with the dope. But don't be surprised if I'm smiling or chuckling while I do it.

Word.

Ice Down That Igloo Cooler, Tank Of Gas That Oughta Do Her, I Can Feel A Good One Comin On

Out of the gate, congrats go out to Mitch for winning the jar of salsa in last week's 1st Annual Super Bowl Prop Bet Contest. What makes it even more astonishing is that he won despite picking that Fergie's skirt/pants would go below her knees. He went 8 for 10, including that blunder. Impressive. That's how you take home the salsa.

Second, sometimes, you have to attend a super bowl party that has TV cameras show up. What? You didn't. Boring. They came because our buddy's commercial had the chance of airing. His was the Dorito's ad where the guy sucked the cheese residue off the other guy's finger. Neither of those guys are my buddy. My friend is the one that lost his pants in the last segment. And now he's a big deal, because his commercial led off the second commercial break of the super bowl. The TV crews interviewed him and then shot a bunch of B-roll of everyone there. It was pretty cool to see myself and my friends on the local news. And even cooler that it wasn't related to any criminal activity. Someone let my mom know I picked good friends. She'd be proud to know that.

Third, and easily most important, Pitchers and Catchers report in less than a week. I'm positively giddy because Baseball Tonight is airing right now. I genuinely believe that every time baseball tonight rolls, the temperature goes up 0.1 degrees wherever I am. You may think that doesn't matter, but I assure you, just as every game in the season counts, so does every bump up the thermostat. Plus, if you're throwing them away, I'm snatching them up faster than a hungry hungry hippo.

It also means the dawning of the 3rd annual 'Rick Russell knows more about Baseball than I do' competition. The wager will still be the same: you put up a single dollar bill upon which you write "Rick Russell knows more about Baseball than I do", joined by your signature, and I'll give $50 for whomever the winner is. I feel obligated to tell you that the house has taken home all the chips the past two years, and has no reason to believe that this year will be any different.

To give you schlubs a little better chances, I'm making it even simpler this year. In past years, I asked you predict the amount of wins for each team. Now, just determine their final position in each division. For each correctly positioned team, you get 5 points. Sweep a division, that's a 10 point bonus.

Playoffs are still involved as before. Correctly pick a playoff team: 5 points. Get their Wild Card or division champ designation right: 5 points. AL/NL champ: 10 points a piece. World Series winner: 20 points.

Individual awards still matter, so we're going to keep the All-star starter nominations, but, in further efforts to simplify, eliminate the triple crown categories and instead go with ranking the top three for each MVP/CY. Essentially, I'm just asking you to pick the best player at each position, and then the best three overall. I don't know how simpler I can make this without asking what color the laces are on the ball. (Red).

So please. Take the time this year. You've got 50 days until the first game. Put some thought into this, because I only have so much wall space to hang your tributes to my Baseball supremacy. And, maybe, just maybe, you can get lucky enough to sneak one past me.

Doubt it.

Word.

As For Me I'd Like To Thank My Lucky Stars That I'm Alive And Well

I'm fixing to have some Panda Express with Mike, and I realized that I can't remember the last time I had Panda. Very excited about this development. Note: This will have very little organization. Sorry.

After spending a little over a month here in Utah, I'm really glad I made the decision to move out here, rather than stay in Florida. Yes, it is so cold that I have actually counted my fingers to make sure I still have ten. And yes, I do miss having playable golf courses 20 minutes away. But beyond that, every category indicates that I made the right decision. There are jobs here, there are friends here, there are girls here and there are sports here. And that may or may not be a prioritized list.

Most certainly though, the fact that there are job opportunities out here is at the top of the list. I am a man with expenses. I like things like a roof over my head, and food on my plate and an occasional fun dip or bag or tootsie rolls. High Maintenance? The highest. And you get what you pay for. I've been fortunate to field a couple of interviews so far, but nothing definite yet. Still waiting to hear back from one of the companies, so fingers are crossed. Personally, I expected to be hired by now (I know, shocker that I thought highly of my own abilities), but I kind of understand that some companies might be hesitant to take on a risk on me. I don't have the best work history, due in large part to pursuing medical school, and some people might think I can't handle their work load.

Pure rubbish. Either way, they make the decisions, I wait for them to do so. That is the game, and I must play.

On to things with less suck: Pitchers and Catchers report in 11 days! I know. Very exciting. Soon enough, I'll have to plan a trip down to Arizona for spring training, then BYU and UVU will open their seasons, then the Owlz and Bees, and then I'll make some pilgrimage to a pro ballpark. I can't think about it for too long, or I'll start pulling up calendars and schedules, checking to see when the optimal times are.

Also, I have landed a part-time teaching job with Kaplan. I'll be teaching their MCAT prep course starting this March. It's a two nights a week thing, so it's essentially some nice extra pay without interfering with my prospects for a full-time job or B-school. Speaking of B-school, got my GMAT scores back a little while ago, but I don't think I posted the results here. I did well. A 710 (92% percentile). Not as high as some of my practice scores, so I was a little disappointed, but not too much. It should be high enough to get me accepted, but after the med school fiasco, I have little faith in a test score's ability to offset anything.

What I am really excited for is the Super Bowl. Not the game really, but the party inherent to the game. Again, give me a reason to talk with people around a lot of food, and I'm going to take it 9 times out of 9. Throw in a sports event, and I'm all over it. So this is a great thing. To make it better, I'm thinking about having everyone come in and some friendly wagers. Not on anything as trivial as the winner of the game, point spread, or over/under, but on the important things like: What will Fergie wear during the half-time show? How long will Christina Aguilera's National Anthem be? How will the first touchdown be celebrated? You know. The stuff that really matters. I think I'm going to try and get a big poster board, list the wagers, and then print out head shots of the known guests and have then tape their picture on which sides of each line they want. Winner gets... a jar of salsa. Medium, not hot. I know, high stakes, but it is the super bowl. So, the handful of you people who both read this, and plan on showing up at my place for the super bowl, start pondering whether Ryan's commerical will be Dorito's 1st, 2nd, or 3rd of the night, or not shown at all. Weigh out whether Ben Roethlisberger's or Aaron Rodger's girlfriend will be shown on first. Try to figure out how many times the announcers will say "Brett Favre". There's a jar of dip on the line.

Word.