Look What You've Done To This Rock And Roll Clown

So, I was given some static for not mentioning that Jared was on the trip. Here's why: I didn't have any pictures of him at the time. Now I do. So let's review the blessed time that Jared spent in St. Louis. For starters, we found the only Jimmy John's in the known world to close before eleven, forcing us to find a steak n' shake for Friday night. Funny story about that.

We sit down and a group gets seated next to us. They consist of about three guys, who the smart money would put as gay, and one elderly woman who reminded me of what Cruella Deville might look like when she hit her seventies. Anyway, we finish and were on our way out, and one of the guys asks Jared to play the crane game for the old lady. He politely turns it down. However, I over hear it, and turn to face them. Next thing I know, I'm getting dollar bills thrust into my hand to try and win stuffed animals in a crane game. I wish I could tell you I was successful, but alas, I was not. Four tries, zero victories.

The next day, we went to the Cardinals game. And it was awesome. Opposite of this photo. We gave the camera to a teenager who's gender was indeterminate. They took stared at the screen, and squeezed the trigger without any warning, freezing this frame forever. Thanks.

Thankfully, we had enough time to give the camera to someone who knew what they were doing, who took that picture. You'll notice it's essentially the same as the one above it, without all the suck.

That night, I questioned whether Jared was my friend or not. It was a dreary evening. The type that makes you wonder if the sun will ever rise again. We strolled into a bowling alley straight out of the sixties. (Really cool place to bowl. Would highly recommend it to all in the area.) I should let you know that I'm not a fan of the 60's in general. This should have been a sign that things were not going to go well.

Also, it needs to be noted that prior to this evening, I had dominated the head-to-head competition with The Girlfriend. Something like 9-1. Not even close. Needless to say, I was not concerned about beating her again. We bowled the first game, and by the fifth frame, I knew that A) I was playing horribly, and B) I was going to lose to The Girlfriend. Of course, that only means we're bowling a second game so I can regain my throne. Here's where things get bad.

I started off weak, but caught back up in the late frames. I finished the tenth frame and sat down comfortably with a 20 pin lead. The Girlfriend was up next. Jared leans over to me and says that all she needs is strike-strike-one to beat me. Now, my friends love me, and I love them. However, they really love to see me lose. A lot. Like, Jared was high fiving The Girlfriend after every strike and spare. I participated in no such celebrations.

Hence it came as no surprise, and I had done the same math on my own, that Jared figured out exactly what was needed to beat me. The Girlfriend had bowled decent, but was flirting with the 100 mark, so clearly thinking that she would get more than 20 in the tenth was a bit extreme. I figured 20 was the best she would do and we would walk away in a tie. She rolls the first ball, and its a strike. No big deal. I'm a little nervous, but even blind squirrels find nuts every now and then. The second ball gets rolled, and again all ten drop. Now I'm bewildered. I know that she has rolled a gutter ball before, but why would she do anything other than just safely roll it down the middle. Accepting a good loss, I already had my shoes off when she let the third ball go. What does she do? Does she go down the middle and pick up six or seven? No. Of course not. She picks off the ten pin and the ten pin only. Strike-Strike-One. To win by one. Simply beside myself. The other four going nuts. Again, all my friends love to see me lose. This sick turn of fortune over shadowed Jared's 170 or so, and everyone remembered the XX1 that was recorded. So much so that I was texted it. Twice. I wanted no part of anything that had to do with that episode.

Coolest statue I've ever seen. If they had miniatures, I would have one already. Even the horse was fat. Loved it.

Word.

But You've Got To Learn To Reach Out There And Grab It

Just got back from a great trip to St. Louis. Quite a whirlwind thanks to an assortment of activities and dining locations. Big kudos to Brett and Brittney for not only chaffeuring us around the town, but showing us the places otherwise left unseen by casual vacations. I don't normally do this whole picture show thing. Mostly because I don't normally take pictures. However, Brittney has sent me a little over a dozen, and The Girlfriend has a host of them that I'll get from her later. Hence, I'll share those from my sister now, and the rest later.

So we went to the Arch, but there was quite a line. Needing to kill roughly an hour, we went to the museum of Missourian history attached to the Arch. Let's just say, don't change plans to attend this place. It was quaint and informational, but could have been infinitel better if they would just let you ride the Bison, or other assorted display animals. Where's the harm in that? I say none.

Something about the arch, for those of you that haven't been. If you have any claustraphobia, avoid this site. You ride up in a cylinder on its side that can't be more than four feet deep and six feet in diameter. With four other people. Up 60 stories. To a railway car with tiny windows. That sways in the wind. Stuffed with 80-100 people. Nightmare waiting to happen.

Luckily, neither of us were claustraphobic, so it was great. We then traipsed over to Soldier's Monument for Rib Fest. I know. A celebration of meat on a bone, how could I not attend. Easily, the best ribs I've ever had. Hands down. Fantastic. Should have figured out how to have them mailed to me.

Ok, let's be real. Like I would plan a vacation during the summer of fall to some city that didn't have a ballclub, or that I would go there and not attend a game. Really? Do you not know me? I planned St. Louis for two reasons. One- My sister lived there, and I've never visited her since she moved there. Two- The Cardinals were in town that weekend. No brainer really. Nice to see the Royals get beat.

Best, maybe second best to the game, part of the trip was the various dining locations Brittney and Brett took us to. I have this thing. When I travel, I refuse to go to chain restaurants unless I have to for safety or sanitary reasons. Why go to some new place if you're not going to try the local cuisine? Seems like a bit of a waste to me. Knowing this, we never went to a place that had more than a handful locations, and most of those were still in town. Perfect. Great food all over that town. Big ups to the local recommendations.

Word.

Inhale, Exhale, Heard Your Clientele Doing Well

Next name that I'm crossing off the list of people I saw play: Albert Pujols. Tomorrow, if you're in the St. Louis metropolitan area and feel like spending some time at a premiere sporting event, you can join me, the girlfriend, the sister and Jared at the Cardinals-Royals game, cheering wildly for the home team.

Ok, I need to clarify a little. I have already seen The Machine play. But it was back in his rookie season of 2001. I was in San Francisco and by happenstance the Giants were playing them over the same weekend. So yeah, in one game, I saw McGwire, Bonds, and Pujols.

Now it is hard to say that I didn't see him in top form, considering he's been ridiculously, consistently good since he laced it up the first time, but now he is simply amazing. Why pitchers pitch to him I'll never know. In all honesty, I think I would let Santana pitch to him, and that's about it. Everyone else, just roll it four times. He will beat you. He's just that good. And so help me, if he test positive, it would just make me sick.

Which brings me to Manny. Easily, his positive result was the most painful to take. I hoped that we had turned the corner and the steroids era was either A) coming to a close, or B) fading back into the shady background. And either is fine by me. No really. I take them both as the same, and have no particular preference. As long as I don't have to hear about it, I'm fine with it. Let it die.

Word.

It's Amazing, I'm the Reason, Everybody's Fired Up This Evening

So I have a more pressing point that I will spend the bulk of this post addressing, but first I feel obligated to posit the following theory:


Tiger is on the decline and will not eclipse Jack Nicklaus's record of 18 career majors.


Now, some might say this is premature. And it likely is, but I'm a man who is apt to go out limbs, prone to leap without looking, (For the sake of all things good and holy, go watch Star Trek. I'm by no means a trekkie, but that movie was absolutely phenomenal. It went perfectly right by staying away from the intricacies about how warp drives work or how time-space is woven, and stayed with simple characters following a simple plot. There's a good chance I'll catch a matinee sometime this week. You should too.) and so I have made some early calls. However, in the first couple months of this PGA season, I am yet to see anything resembling the Tiger of old. His shots are erratic. His focus is shaken, and his competitive drives seems diminished. I hope he re-tools his swing, but even that might not be enough. Remember, he went through essentially reconstructive knee surgery. This is not a hang nail. It's the knee that made Augusta lengthen the course. Countless athletes are forced to hang it up because they can't come back like they were.

Thankfully for Tiger, his B game is better than 95% of the tour's A+ game, so he doesn't need to come back full strength to win, but I don't think he'll come back enough to win another five majors. I simply don't believe it.


But here's what I wanted to spend some time on. I was watching tv with the girlfriend, and on came the trailer for "Ghosts of Girlfriends Past". She turned and said something to the effect of, "that looks like a good movie. We should go watch it." I looked to her and said that if she wanted to go see it, that that was great. I however, would not be sitting next to her. She was a little dismayed, so I had to tell her why. "I'm done with Matthew McConaughey romantic comedies. I've seen all he has to offer, and I am not particularly fond of it. I'm done with him."


And I am. I really am. I loved How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days, but all of his other efforts are weak at best. As far as I'm concerned, his talent well has ran dry. Obviously, to say I wouldn't go to the movies with the girlfriend wasn't for real, but she believed it, (and might be a little upset that I'm saying now that I would have actually gone to it with her. Conveniently, I was out of town for it's release weekend, so I never had to deal with the issue, but I clearly have given myself a new issue to deal with) and hence, went to see it with a friend. I don't think I'll watch it at all. Possibly ever.


This leads me to the following two lists: the actors who's movies I will never watch, and those who's I will always watch. The second one, regretfully for my wallet, is significantly longer. This is because actors who I don't like, tend to be poor actors, and quickly wind up unemployed. Regardless, I feel it good to put these lists out there as well as a couple of guys who are teetering on the edges of these lists. And for clarification, these are all time dependent, meaning I will only avoid/attend their movies released from now on.

The Matthew McConaughey Miserables:

Matthew McConaughey, Sylvester Stallone, Johnny Depp, Jordana Brewster (she is horrible, and not that hot when compared to other hollywood-ites. She would blow normal people away, but she has set herself apart from normals and has done so to her detriment), and Sarah Jessica Parker.

Those who just might fall in: Hugh Grant (show me something new), Eva Longoria (see Brewster above), Kevin Costner (his baseball movies are keeping him out), Jessica Biel, and Will Ferrell (To his credit, he always delivers what you expect him to, but that's it. He's going to have a couple of lines from each movie that people are going to quote for months, but that's mostly because of it's non-sensical nature. He seems like a less intelligent Vince Vaughn, which says something. He has one character, and I'm quickly getting tired of it.)


I simply don't enjoy the product these people put out.


The Harrison Ford All-Stars:

Harrison Ford (Although that last Indiana Jones really hurt him), Will Smith (he gets my $8.50 without question), Simon Pegg, Matt Damon, Tom Cruise (I don't care if he's crazy, he's great on the screen),Leo DiCaprio, Justin Long, Jennifer Aniston and Julia Roberts.


On the fringe: Shia LeBeouf (did he make an Even Stevens movie, because if so, that might his only blemish on an otherwise impressive resume), Owen Wilson, Rachel McAdams, Reese Witherspoon and Christian Bale.


Sure, they may not be perfect, but they're pretty close. I do love them, and I support them with my finances.

Word.

Blame It On The Goose

Watching Tommy Boy, and almost laughed off the couch during the opening scene where that fat kid who only has like five lines drills the sliding glass door. How awesome is this movie? I say a solid 9.8 out of ten. Still the funniest movie I've ever seen. I sure do miss Chris Farley. Nobody could fall through a coffee table like him.
So, two weeks into the season, and I'm already embarrassed I picked the Yankees to go beyond September. Looks like another season with fingers crossed over Phil Hughes's development.
Let the world rejoice with the resuming of Real World/ Road Rules: The Duel. It looks like another season of top notch competition and sluttery. My favorite part of this season, the fact that Bill Simmons dedicates about 20 minutes of his weekly podcast to discussing it. I was driving to Tallahassee and absolutely dying listening to it. Honestly, laughing so hard I was slapping the steering wheel and wiping away tears. Priceless.
Which I guess brings me to the most pivotal event of the past two weeks for me. I had an interview with FSU's medical school. I think it went really well, but won't find out until the end of this week at the earliest, and about a month from now at the latest. If I don't get accepted there, I have been accepted to the American University of the Caribbean School of Medicine, and will start there in the fall. It's a good school, and is on the island of St. Maartens, which I'm told is lovely. Hopefully though, I'll get into the FSU and not have to worry about going abroad for school.
Wow, this has been pretty incoherent and disjointed. Mostly, I'm slapping something up here because my girlfriend asked me to. She's awesome, so I'm willing to forgo my typical writing process in order to get this posted. Enjoy.
Word.

You Gon Sweat Your Outfit Out Trying To Dance Like Me

It's been celebrated, anticipated, and for the past month feared, but at long last here it is. Ladies and gentlemen, I give you the 2009 Baseball Predictions. This also doubles as the house's entry in the "Rick Russell knows more about baseball than I do" contest. Print it out. Put it on your wall, and watch the prognostications become reality. I'll give the overviews first, and then the actual numbers all together at the end.
To the American League first, the East in particular.
How about them Rays! For the first time since Jeter put pinstripes on, he was watching October baseball on his couch. That's right, every year from 1995 the Yanks were in the playoffs until last year, when the Rays surprised everyone, including their momma's. So what do the Bronx Bombers do? Only what they do best. Go out and get the best talent on the market. Sabathia, Texeiria, and even Burnett. And, they'll still be spending less this year than they did for the 89 win stinker they put up. Now, why did they end up with that few wins? Simple. Kennedy and Hughes were nowhere near what they had been hyped to be. Not even close. I said last year that they should have shipped them both for Johan paid that man his money, and I still say they should have done it. They would have made the playoffs easily, and the way things shake out, probably be celebrating A-rod's first title. (Side bar, had they won, and then the A-fraud/Yuri Sucart scenario unfolded, what a nightmare would that have been?)
Needless to say, they will be a contender all season long this year. The Rays won't be sneaking up on people, but still will be strong as they've kept their entire rotation, added Jason Isringhausen (yes I know he's on the decline and has been for years, but it's a great veteran presence for a very young staff) and Pat Burrell. Boston has been caught asleep at the wheel if you ask me. They should have done what was necessary to get Tex, even if that means moving Youk to third and benching Lowell. The Blue Jays and the Orioles... best of luck in the most loaded division in baseball. In the end, I'm giving this to, and yes it pains me to type it, the Yankees, followed by the Rays, Red Sox, Blue Jays and Orioles.
Central Division
A round of applause for the division champions White Sox. Good, now they need to get back to work. Kenny Williams, I'm looking at you. The usually active Sox have been extremely quiet this offseason. With only one trade and one signing, everyone, once again, is in the dark as to what the GM has in mind. The only concern is that I have no idea what they can do at this point in the year. A lot of big names are off the board, and a couple of the notable free agents are trying to earn contracts in the World Baseball Classic (The Netherlands?? Twice over the Dominicans? Really? I would have bet that Mike would buy a Carl Pavano jersey before that happened) but nothing seems promising, hence the Bartolo Colon signing. I kid you not, I'm raising my boys to be big league pitchers. As long as you can consistently hit 92 on the gun, it doesn't matter what you look like or what you've done before, you'll always have a job.
That smell in the room, that's the turd the Tigers laid last season. They made the biggest move in the offseason and dealt the bulk of their prospective talent for Willis and Cabrera. And wound up with 74 wins in dead last. Yikes. Cleveland was saved by Cliff Lee's ridiculous season from being the butt of all Central jokes. I'm not expecting a repeat performance by him. The Twins had a great team, but lost the division in the 163 game of the season. Now they've upgraded at third by picking up Joe Crede, but beyond that, much of the same for the Twinkies. Good, not great.
I'm taking the White Sox, then the Indians, Twins, Tigers, and Royals, in a close division.
West
When you win your division by 21 games, it's hard to say that any improvement made by other teams can close the gap. The Angels did lose K-rod, but Fuentes is a solid replacement. They also picked up Abreu, who is an upgrade over Garret Anderson in right. In the end, I call that a wash, but will have to take off a couple wins because the anomaly that was K-rod's saves record will not be repeated. Oakland, in what can only be described as anti-moneyball moves, acquired Giambi, Holliday, and Orlando Cabrera, all substantial upgrades. Is it enough to close the gap? I say no. Seattle gets Junior back (and if you don't know who I mean when I say Junior, I'm sorry for you. You truly have been deprived of one of the most celestial things) which should help ease the pain of watching everyone else on this team not named King Felix or Ichiro. How'd that Erik Bedard deal work out for you? Not good, huh? Texas has the great story of Josh Hamilton, but that's all they have. You don't win a division with a story. You can lose one, but you can't win one.
Give me the Angels, then the A's, Rangers, and Mariners
National League
East
To call the Phillies a fluke is not accurate. They played well and were in the right position for the past two years. It reminds of me of when Nick Faldo won the Master's because Greg Norman choked away a six stroke lead with 14 to play. Yeah, Faldo played well, but what mattered more was that Norman simply fell apart. As did the Mets. Just. Fell. Apart. I had no vested interest in that team, but it did make me hurt a little to watch it just slip away again after the nightmare of 2007. So what do the Mets do? Fix their shoddy bullpen. Twice. K-rod and JJ Putz come over to give them the best bullpen in the league. The Phillies return just as strong and ready to do some damage again, I just wonder if they have enough left in the tank after last year. We haven't a repeat champion since the yankees in 1999-2000 and haven't had a team go to the series in back to back years since the yanks in 2000-2001. And I don't see the Phillies ending that streak. Atlanta added a couple veteran arms, which should help, but not enough to become a contender with NY and Philadelphia. The Marlins are going to be my, not this year, but look out next year squad, just as the Rays were last year. They've got young talent and it's really starting to turn around. If their pitching can match their offense, they will take this division. I just don't think it will... this year. The Nationals... they're awful. I've watched a couple spring training games, and am wondering if they're holding tryouts. I think I could make their Double-A team.
Mets, Phillies, Marlins, Braves, Nationals
Central
The Cubs are still the premier team in this division, even despite the loss of Leon Johnson. The rest of this division is going to be battling closely for second. Except for the Pirates. They're battling against contraction.
Cubs, Cards, Astros, Brewers, Reds, Pirates.
West
Ask me how much I love Manny Ramirez. Bottomlessly. Everything he does entertains and excites me. I'll say it now, he should be MLB TV's first reality star. Manny being Manny. That's watch it live while you DVR it good.
Dodgers, D-backs, Giants, Rockies, Padres.
It's not obvious I care more about the American League than the National League is it?
Playoffs
ALDS
Yanks-White Sox (Yanks in 5)
Angels- Rays (Wild Card) (Rays in 4)

NLDS
Cubs-Dodgers (Dodgers in 4)
Mets-Cards(Wild Card) (Mets in 3)

ALCS
Yanks over Rays in 6

NLCS
Mets over Dodgers in 5

World Series
Yanks over Mets in 6

Individual Awards

All-Star Starters (in order around the diamond)
AL
Sabathia, Mauer, Tex, Pedroia, Arod, Jeter, Sizemore, Ichiro and Vlad
NL
Hamels, Russell Martin, Fielder, Utley, Wright, Reyes, Soriano, Manny, and Cameron Maybin

Cy Young
AL- Sabathia
NL- Hamels

MVP
AL- Tex
NL- Manny

ROY
AL- Elvis Andrus
NL- Cameron Maybin

Number of wins for each team
Yankees 98
Rays 97
Red Sox 92
Blue Jays 83
Orioles 68

White Sox 89
Indians 82
Twins 81
Tigers 80
Royals 68

Angels 96
A's 88
Rangers 80
Mariners 64

Mets 93
Phillies 86
Marlins 82
Braves 79
Nationals 57

Cubs 95
Cardinals 88
Astros 85
Brewers 81
Reds 71
Pirates 61

Dodgers 88
D-Backs 83
Giants 73
Rockies 71
Padres 68

Get your dollars bills out and your pens ready. Word.

Here's A Long Evasive Story, Of Failed Hopes And Glories

I'm dressed in a button up and tie, looking pretty good, if I say so myself. I look around what appears to be a grand foyer and notice a couple other people, all of whom also dressed professionally. Instantly, I know I'm not at work, but at school. Make that at a school. It's not BYU because I have been in every building in that campus and this doesn't resemble any of them. However, I'm not concerned with this seeming lapse of awareness.
A similarly dressed guy, roughly my age, is sitting next to me. He seems pleased with himself over something, and oddly, I feel the same sense of accomplishment. I make small talk, and eventually we both get up to leave, again, for no particular reason. Then comes the moment that I still remember as vividly as anything.
Me: So what brings you here?
Him: Medical school interviews. It's why we're all here.
Then, instead of rejoicing, I hang my head, and realize it's a dream. I start moving faster, frantically looking around for something to let me know that it was real, but I know all too well it's a dream. Suddenly, the sun fades a little, the walls become blurry. I start to say "This has to..." but then reality creeps in and I finish the sentence "be a dream" staring at my ceiling fan.
Easily, one of the most depressing ways to start off a morning.
When you realize your goal can only be found in dreams, it's an accomplishment to get out of bed that morning. That morning was about a week ago. I went back and forth over how to share this, or even to share this. In the end, it was 12:15am impulse that led me to the keyboard and resulted in this post. I wish there was some more poignant or rational reason, but there really isn't. And if you're reading this, that shouldn't be too much of a surprise to you.
Here's the point. I'm in the bottom of the ninth of my game against med school admissions, and I'm behind. No one knows better than me that technically, I could get called in for an interview in April, or even possibly May, but the realist in me says that if nothing happens by the end of the month, it's time to create new dreams. Ones that can be satisfied in the real world.
Pray for me.
Word.