Fight, Till You Drop, Never Stop, Can't Give Up, Till You Reach The Top

While attending an anatomy lab this past week, we started going over names for different movements, like arm rotations or leg circles. To help reinforce the ideas, the TA decided to play a game of "Simon Says". Yes I know it's childish, but as Mr. Bueller let us know, so is school. There were six of us in the circle as we begun. I don't know when it happened but next thing I know, I'm crouching in attack position, bracing for whatever command and the all important Simon Says approval.
I play to win. In everything. I'm the one who keeps score in my head during the New Year's Eve Catchphrase battle of the sexes. Jeopardy for me is only enjoyable when I beat at least two of the three contestants. Otherwise, I'm upset for the next 45 to 75 seconds.
This is why I thoroughly enjoy any show that involves a competition and have watched every sport imaginable thanks to the two blessed channels of ESPN that have been piped into my TV since age 15. (Side note: Remember when ESPN2 first rolled out and it was only referred to as "The Deuce" and only on premium cable, like it was HBO or something? I honestly remember being envious of a kid in one of my classes because he had it and I was stuck with only one all sports channel. I think thats why I stopped hanging out with him. Will Corwin, now that ESPN2 is standard, we can be friends again.)
For example, I watch MTV's Real World/ Road Rules Challenge: The Gauntlet III and project which team is going to win. That's right, project, not guess. I know each of the contestant's skills and weaknesses and can closely predict how each are suited at the current challenge. Seriously. I'm not a spectator, I'm an analyst. Want to know what's going to happen? Here you go. The Veteran Team, which is unbelievably stacked but has more powder kegs than the spanish armada, is going to drop the next two-three women's duels in efforts to trim the fat. The women will counter at that point, but will probably not be too effective because the men are too strong. The only thing that could really derail them is after CT gets kicked off for hitting someone, Evan loses in the gauntlet by some miracle. The Rookies are screwed. Very screwed. They'll only win contests where A) the Vets toss them or B) having less people gives a distinct advantage. That's it. I would cut the check to the Vets tomorrow if I were running the show. It's all over but the shouting and the drama.
Here's what I want to get at though. Out of all the competition based shows, I think I'm best suited for American Gladiators or Are You Smarter Than a 5th Grader. Honestly, I could win both, in the same week. I would join Megan as the only multi-show winner. (With Kristie Jo's breakdown, she moves in front as the clear favorite in Rock of Love II, and earlier won Beauty and the Geek II. I'm not making this up. She picked up $125,000 for Beauty and will get Bret Micheals in Rock. Eat it Ken Jennings). I've thought about Jeopardy, and if it had been pre-mission I would have done excellent. The two years kind of knocked me out of the current events and I'm still getting back into form. Deal or No Deal is pure game theory with the key being not trying to get the million dollar case, but trying to max out the bid. You only need to keep three of the top eight dollar amounts and then eliminate all the lower ones until you have three tops amounts and two lower amounts left. This should give you a bid of around 200K. Take it and go. That's your magic number. If it ever cracks 250K, press the button like your life depended on it.
Pros vs Joes is out because they require more actual physical girth than I possess. Wheel of Fortune is for children and Razorback fans. (If you're wondering if I've done the hog call while wearing a plastic razorback on my head, the answer is emphatically yes, and the hog hangs on my wall this moment.) This leaves only AG and 5th grader as the best options. If I could I would join the next RR/RW challenge, but that requires logging a season in one of those shows prior. That would be fun, but a bit complicated after having been through the temple.
Here's what amazes me though. I think I have a better shot making AG, while I'm pretty sure I could take 5th grader, but won't make it. 5th grader is too hollywood-ized. They need intriguing backgrounds or overly animated contestants. The filtering process is much softer for AG. The physcial exam would be a test, but I'm supremely confident that I could properly prepare for it. Then, when I'm laying on top of foam blocks at the end of the eliminator, having Hulk Hogan call me brother, I'll know life can get no better. I just have to win. That's all. Word.