Clowns To The Left Of Me, Jokers On The Right

I need to say this because it needs to be said first. I'm not going to elaborate on it, because I would just rather let it go then rehash it. About a week or so ago, The Girlfriend and I broke up.
It wasn't easy, but we're both handling it well and moving forward. I realize some people may want to know more, but tough, they're not getting it.
(Abrupt Topic Change)
A family in the branch, one of the few, are leaving the island for good later this week. It's sad to see them go, but I understand, and am mostly sad because they get to return to a place where convenience is celebrated. A couple days ago, they gave me a large bag of candy. I can only assume that the contents are Halloween leftovers, but candy is candy, and it's only been a month max. Candy, especially hard candy, holds for months, and probably could hold for years, but I tend to eat it before it reaches that point.
The best part was the inordinately high jaw-breaker to other candy ratio. It had to be slightly better than 1 to 1. Thing about that. For every piece of Double Bubble, you also have a jaw breaker. Every caramel-apple-on-a-stick thing, another jawbreaker (You can tell I don't know how to write that word because I've already tried it three different ways and feel completely neutral on all of them.). It's fantastic. Why you ask? Because next to Tootsie Rolls and Caramels, jawbreakers have to come next in the pantheon of candies. They're a fantastic item. I mean, if you like your candy to have a consistently sweet taste, and to have it crank out that flavor for at least 30 minutes, than you're a jawbreaker fan.
I grabbed one heading out the door to class the other day. It was purple, and I got really excited because you just don't see a lot of purple ones. It also seemed to be a little bigger than normal, so I was even more eager to let it roam around my mouth. I popped it in, and the sky gathered darkness. A jawbreaker it was not. It was gum. And not good gum by any definition. Did it have flavor you ask? No. None. Could I blow a decent bubble with it? Less tension than Manny Ramirez on a day off (Then again, I'm not completely sure if Manny knows he even has days off. I just think he knows that sometimes he goes to the ball park to hang out and other times they ask him to see the ball and hit the ball.). The quality was so low, it stuck to my fillings. And I have more than my share of those.
I could not dispose of it soon enough. I was duped. Thought I was walking into paradise, wound up in torture. Then, last night I had the same thing happen again. Now I need to preface this next part a little bit with some personal history.
It's no secret I love Boy Meets World. If there was a test on all Boy Meets World knowledge, I could walk in right now and score a minimum of a 94%. I'm like 3 standard deviations above the average knowledgeable on the life of Cornelius Matthews. But more than that, I have grown to love the various side characters, like Franky the Enforcer, or his brother Herman. Fantastic. One of the tragic tales is that of one Stuart Minkus. You might remember him from season one, and his brief spot in the graduation episode of season 5. He was the nerdy guy who, for a school project, planned out the rest of his life, down to the corporate maneuvers he would make and the SEC paperwork that would need to be filed in order to accomplish them. He also had planned to marry Topanga, before Cory was even really interested in her. Well, we all know how that turned out. Thankfully, he was young enough that he could bounce back.
For unknown reasons, he relocated from the Philadelphia area over to a quaint town in North Carolina called Tree Hill. He also changed his name (and why he went from one to the other, I'll never know, because he didn't exactly trade up) to Marvin McFadden, and had acquired the nickname 'Mouth' by high school. He was no longer a lanky, stereotypical nerd, but also wouldn't be considered a top flight socially desirable specimen. He was just an average guy.
He however, was cursed with women issues here as well. One of the first girl's he likes, winds up really liking one of his best friends. Another girl essentially uses him, and then cuts him loose after a night of passion. A third has him on a string for years, but is always selecting others for ill-advised reasons. However, one came along that was a great fit for him. She was good looking, smart, funny, and a great match for his personality. Things had been going great for them for the better part of two years. Now however, she's become a cocaine snorting model who is so self-absorbed that she's throwing every friendship and relationship to the side.
It pains me to see the every-guy get trampled like this. I thought he was safe, which in turn gave me hope for things for me. But the rug was pulled out again from under him, under me, under us all. Why?! Why?! Hasn't he suffered enough? Let him enjoy one relationship in peace.
Lee Norris, aka Stuart Minkus aka Marvin 'Mouth' McFadden... I feel for you. Keep your chin up. Things will get better.
Word.